Leaves a Bitter Taste...

Been a while since I've been able to update my blog...  sheesh.  Time flies when you're busy!!  Anyways- More about my life...
I must say that today, aggravations that I pushed aside a few months ago- were trying their hardest to creep back in and invade my thoughts.  I get so frustrated with myself sometimes!  I see or hear one thing someone does or says that's just so pointless and WRONG- and it "irks"  (?)  me so bad-  down to my very core.  There's so much I want to be able to say to those people.  I want them to KNOW I am NOT okay with their actions- their attitudes- their belittling and criticizing remarks.  It's not that I care anymore about getting everyone's approval-  and it's sure not because I still feel like I'll never be anything if they don't help me... it's just the fact that I DON'T KNOW IF THEY KNOW that I've been hurt, disappointed, and severely let down by them.  Is that wrong??  It's not that I want to make anyone feel that they're not good enough- cause I know that feeling all too well, and it's not a pleasant one. :\... but I can just tell that some of those people don't feel bad- or even think they're even the slightest bit at fault for how rude and hateful they've been... and that eats me up. And it's not always because of what they've done to me... but I've watched them around other people I care about.  Grrrr.  But- back to the ME.N.U theme-  that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.  And it's not right.  Even though what they're doing isn't-  me getting that aggravated isn't the best thing either.  And even though I can HONESTLY say with all my heart that I no longer let people control my life, my dreams, my confidence, my happiness-  sometimes, if I'm not careful- I will let them invade my thoughts- which in turn, can easily effect the former. 
Is there anyone else out there that deals with these things?  Whatever you do, don't give them room!  If they aren't worth living your life around-  then why let them have your thoughts?  Don't!  Dwell on the goodness of your life-  concentrate on the dreams you will reach. 
When you take a bite out of something that leaves that icky, bitter taste in your mouth, are you going to go back to that same thing everyday?  Every week, month-  ever?  I don't.  If I eat something that I don't like- I don't keep trying it.  Chances are, 98% of that stuff, I will NEVER like.
So- I figured out today-  I don't like wasting my time and my daydreams on thoughts of people that aggravate me.  I've got to let it go.  Give it to the Lord and let Him handle it.  He will.  In time.  I may not even know it.  But, there have been a few things I've seen Him move in for me-  so I know, without ANY doubts that He will take care of it. - Without any bitter tastes left for me.
I hope you can let it go, too.  I'm sure they will try to sneak back in my mind here and there-  and I'll probably end up sharing it here on ME.N.U- but together, we can overcome it!  We are special.  We do have potential.  We will succeed and do great things.  God is for us.  It will happen.  Some people just can't handle that.  But we can.  And it will taste- good.

Prep Time

K- So you know how anytime you're trying to follow a recipe, you always look for 2 things before you start?  (Well, at least I do.) 1. The ingredients needed 2. How long it's going to take to prepare.  Some days I'm really in the mood to throw a bunch of stuff into the mixing bowl and spend hours upon hours putting together a spectacular feast. But, for the most part, I want something good and filling- but with fewer ingredients and an expected lesser prep time.  Of course, those meals are still thankfully received and enjoyed.  Yet, it's really hard to beat a 10 course meal that took me hours to create.
You know, life is the same way. However long you spend preparing yourself for something great, is about the way you can judge the outcome.  If you spend NO TIME with your family, chances are you won't be close at all.  If you seldom read your Bible and pray, you're going to struggle as a Christian.  If you never work, you're not going to make a living.  If you don't advance your education, you won't get your hard-earned degree.  Now, I understand not everyone has the same tastes.  Even in food- if you spent 10 hours preparing me a plate of squid and escargot- I'm NOT going to want to eat it.  Sorry.  It's just not something my taste buds want to partake in.  I would much rather eat a pb and j sandwich that took 2 minutes to make.  Yet, in life, I like knowing I did everything I could to live the life of my dreams.  I have to know I do what I can to let my family and friends know that I love and appreciate them.  And those I love need to know I love them enough to spend QUALITY time with each of them.  I want to be able to look ahead to a dream of mine and be able to say honestly, "You're working towards that.  You're taking steps to get there."
My last entry talked about how badly Aaron and I have wanted to go back to school.  Well, it's all settled now.  Classes start in January 2012.  We're thrilled!  Not because of of the super busy schedule we'll have.  The homework is not what we're excited about.  And when we think about the 4-6 years we'll be taking courses... it starts getting overwhelming.  BUT- we keep telling ourselves, and each other, that it's going to be worth it in the end.  When they hand us our Bachelor's degree- and possibly Master's-  I can't even imagine the feeling of pride, gratitude , relief and fulfillment we'll be experiencing!  Thinking about that moment, keeps us motivated, determined.
My husband is also a preacher.  A GREAT ONE!  He preached a message a couple of years ago that really stuck out to me:  "From Mediocre to Magnificent."  He talked about how not every day of our life was going to be awesome in every aspect.  There were going to be days where we just followed our routine.  This is okay.  For those of us who want our lives to COUNT- to stand out and make a difference in the world, this is sometimes hard to accept.  We think we're not going to ever do great things if we're not a part of something fantastic every single day.  However, if we keep doing all we can, loving our life and our families... if we keep doing everything with a smile on our face--- one day, with more than likely no real notice, our "mediocre routine" will present a "magnificent opportunity."  Take that and grasp it tightly.   Enjoy it- and grow in it.  Eventually, this will probably seem somewhat mediocre to you as well.  What do you do?....  Everything with a smile on your face- and keep on keeping on- doing whatever you can-  until your "mediocre routine" presents another "magnificent opportunity."  And so on... Get it?
When you take time to prepare, your life will be full of amazing things.  Opportunities you never expected- and dreams you wished upon stars to come true... will!  God honors a heart and life that sacrifices all to Him!  Reaching the lost and hopeless, encouraging the downhearted, filling childrens' mouths with laughter- HOWEVER you need to according to His will- do it!  Prepare for it! When that first "magnificent" comes, it'll all be worth it!
I'm so glad the Lord allows us to live such fulfilling lives!  My prayer and biggest wish, is that all people would realize their dream and do whatever it takes to reach it... for the Lord!  No matter how different it might seem.  (Those are usually the first ones to grow wings and fly!)  Give your life wholly to the Lord- and watch your dreams come true.


A wise man's steps are ordered (prepared) of the Lord!

Try Something New

Are you afraid to?  Do you fear what the outcome will be?  Does the thought of failure make you shudder at even the slightest possibility?  Is this keeping you from making something of yourself?  I was there... that was me.  I can't say I snapped my fingers and just made up my mind that I was done with it. BUT, I did fall on my knees and determine in my heart, that this was not God's will for my life- and WE were done with it.  Oh, how much happier I've been!
I've heard it said, "Success is not common.  Therefore, the common rarely see success."  This is true... and I don't mean it to look down on any.  When I say the "common"... I am not talking about the middle class person in the economy.  I'm not meaning the B-C average student.  The "non-popular" crowd doesn't even cross my mind when I say that word.  I think of those who just don't try... those who just want to "go with the flow" or "follow the 'in' crowd", and those who just get swept away with every new fad that blows their way.  A lot of people, especially young people, feel that they have to fit in by keeping up with the latest trends and styles.  Let me say something to you potential-filled lives right now- What the majority does is not cool-  it's common.  STAND OUT! 
I'm not for just doing ANYTHING to get attention-  that's not really unique in our day and time anymore either.  But- do something that matters!!  Going out of your way to make a difference-  a GOOD difference-  that's success.  Even IF you don't get to accomplish every single thing you attempt... living a life where you're constantly trying to make yourself a better person, a better friend, someone who has the resources to help those in need... and still make time to "smell the roses" and "live, laugh, and love,"... that is a life well-spent.  A life well-accomplished.
To make things personal... I've wanted to go back to school to allow myself an opportunity to fulfill one of the biggest dreams in my heart- which in turn- will open doors for me to reach a lot of other goals I have set.  Me and my husband. We've put off going back for about 4 years or so- because we let other people keep talking us out of going.  "You need to do this"... or "you should probably do that"... and even "you're too good at this to pursue anything else..."  The list could go on.  We actually felt like we needed to listen to all those things at first.  Yet, after years kept passing we realized we were getting older. (duh)  Our opportunities were coming... and going.  Our excitement and zeal to do great things for the Lord were slowing dissinegrating into nothingness because what we felt like doing-  what we were excited about  - didn't seem to be the right things...  ... to other people... ...  Why in the world does that matter??  I mean, seriously.  Why?  It shouldn't. Now, I'm very passionate about these things, and I get aggravated when I see other people trying to discourage other people's dreams (when they're in the right)- just because they don't understand them.  (But, I'm still against rebellious attitudes and spiteful spirits.  If they get ahold of you-  your dreams will not be what they were intended to be.  Don't let this happen.  PLEASE.)  But, don't sit back and watch others live the life they want to, while you just sit back and say, "I'm just meant to sit here and wait till I'm called on."  No, you're not.  You were put here on this earth by the Creator of it to bring glory to His name, healing to broken hearts, encouragement to those who are low, hope to those who have lost it all, love to children who have never been shown it, a smile to those who can't bear to see another look of disappointment.  You are here for a reason!  A great, important, precious reason.  Find out what that is.  You'll know.  And try it!
Here is an example in my life that is both comical and almost inspiring...  I love Taco Bell.  Always have.  If I choose fast food- I choose Taco Bell.  And for YEARS... and I literally mean YEARS... anytime I would go I would order the SAME EXACT THING: A bean burrito and a soft taco, both with sour cream.  That is what I wanted.  I was okay with them.  I ate them once... liked them both... and decided I didn't need to try anything else.  This absolutely horrified and crawled underneath the skin of one of my absolute greatest friends in the universe- Jessica.  She tried something new EVERY TIME she entered that place... even if it was just the sauces or meat.  She always did.  Never failed.  Ever.  I remember once, (we were about 15-ish) we went to Taco Bell, and I ordered my only meal of choice.  She ordered the newest thing- the double decker.  She talked for about 10 minutes on how bored my stomach must be with the foods I eat. (This was the girl who later grew up to bring a plate of squid to a church pic-nic.  lol)  She pretty much forced me to try her taco.  I did.  It was good. Then the inspiring Jessica (which she is still today... in much bigger things) spilled off something like- "Kristi, you've just got to try different things.  Life has so many choices..." 
It's simple, yes, I know, but remember this story when you wake up every morning thinking the same negative thoughts.  Think of the meaning behind it when you go to bed each night feeling like you'll never meet your goals.  As funny as it is, remember Taco Bell.
My life's menu has not changed-  I've just finally started looking at it.  Now, I love trying new things, even if they're sort of scary.  I think,  "When God leads you to the edge of a cliff, trust Him fully and let go.  Only one of two things will happen.  He will either catch when you fall, or teach you how to fly!"  You're gonna be okay either way!  Try!  Reach for that thing you've wanted to but have put off for other people's silly reasons- or your own needless fears.  You'll never know what great things can happen if you don't!


Me? -- well, my husband and I- have serious hopes in reaching our goals.  We're going back to school! We have finally pushed past fears, doubts, and disappointed looks- and we're full of zeal and excitement again! 


Oh, and btw-  The cheesy potato burrito, with chicken instead of beef, is amazing.
Try it. 

Eat Dessert First?

I will never forget what a co-worker's daughter said to her when she moved out on her own, "Mama, being an adult is great.  I get to pick my own bedtime and eat my ice cream first."  As funny as that is, it got me to think. Why is it that the majority of the world's population really would choose pie over pasta?  Or a milk shake over a glass of milk?  Why do kids want to skip the green beans and potatoes and dive into the chocolate cake? 
We love to eat the sweet stuff... the sugary, rich and creamy, delicious stuff.  Forget about the dietary fiber, protein, vitamins, and minerals. Let's indulge ourselves with fats and starches and the sweet sugary goodness.
That's just the way we roll.  As much as we use the cliche, "Save the best for last," 95% of us really don't want to.
Okay, as you have probably already figured out, I'm leaving the "food talk" behind.  Now, I'm discussing bigger and better things-  our life  -and the things we must do to make it count.
If you noticed in my last entry, "Why Just Now," I used a Bible verse in Psalms.  (A verse I often quote and cling to.)  What stood out to me here recently is that this verse is in proper order.  The best IS saved for last. Or, if you will, the "dessert" is served after the "meal."
We would love to always skip to the end and get the desires of our hearts handed out first.  Wouldn't that be nice?  But, just like the "real world," you have to work for your reward.  However, when you're following the Lord, you KNOW without any doubts, His promises are guaranteed.  Your hearts dreams?  They will come true.
"How do I delight myself in the Lord?" -- There's really not a list I can give or an outline I could make up.  Not because the answer is too complicated, but just the opposite!  The solution is extremely simple... LOVE HIM MOST.  When you do, the delight... ...it just comes.  I love seeking His Word to find direction, rather than asking the advice of others.  I long to read His letter He's made available to me, rather than calling up a friend on the phone when I feel lonely.  I am thankful each moment of my life that He saved my soul... and He gives me peace and joy.  I am overwhelmed by the awesome fact that if I take one step, He'll take two!  He opens doors that I didn't even know were there.  Has it always gone the way I thought it should??  Honestly, more often than not, it's went the exact opposite of what I was thinking. But once everything was said and done... I looked back and breathed a sigh of MAJOR RELIEF that His ways are higher than mine.  There are so many things I asked for... and things I just "knew" I needed- that if they were to have happened... wow.  My life would be so different than it is today... and I DON'T mean for the better.  All I can say is, God is so good to me.
Since I'm going with this "menu" theme-  I'm going to bring up Olive Garden!!  The greatest restaurant EVER!!  When I go there, no matter what I order, I know it's going to be deeeelish!!  If I'm in the mood for salad, spaghetti, or their amazing chicken scampi... or if I decide to fill myself with their fantabulous breadsticks and just eat their dessert of the day-  I have no doubts whatsoever that I will savor, and thoroughly enjoy, every single bite. 
With that example of truth above, I will say this, with NO disprespect at all-  Jesus totally beats Olive Garden when it comes to what He has to offer.  Hands down.  I know that no matter I choose, whatever it is He brings to my table, it's going to be amazing.  Even in the hard times we can experience hidden blessings. Everything in our life, when HE'S in control- is destined to be wonderful.  That's my point.  That's the bottome line.
Why do we want to always skip the filling stuff??  The stuff that makes us what we need to be?  Those things are what make the dessert so mouth-watering.  We're ready for it.  We've done our part.  Our plate is clean.  Now, there's only room for the sweet stuff. 
Don't keep waiting and solely focus on what He can serve you!  Instead, this time you do the "cooking" and offer Him something that will fill your soul and satisfy your heart and life.  That's what it's going to take.  Don't try to please all your peers.  Don't even think you're going to make EVERYONE proud.  Don't strive for silly little things that seem big in the eyes of "some" that really don't matter at all.  If you want the happiness, joy, zeal, drive, confidence, freedom, and relief that I've just experienced in such a wonderful way-  give your life wholly to Jesus.  100%.  Surrender it all.  From here on out-  worry about pleasing Him, no one else.  Do what He says do.  Do what makes you and Him happy- and let no one - EVER - take that from you.  That is a blessing He wants for His children.  A gift He wants to give you. 
This is a treat so good- that instead of keeping it all to myself, (like I would a box of oreos), I want to share it with everyone that will take it. 
This feeling I have in my heart-  it's the choice of the day.  Every day.

Why Just Now?

I've asked myself this question many times.  And to be painfully honest, I've never been satisfied with my answers. I've wanted to do great things since like- well, let's just say even I can't remember how long. "Then why haven't you?"... is this the thought running through your mind?  Mine, too. Well, I'll answer- but the reasons I'm going to give are simply qualified as excuses, and nothing more:  No confidence. Fear. People... ... ... I know.  Sad.  Yet, what saddens me all the more, is that I'm not the only one dealing with these same setbacks. No sir, no ma'am. Is it possible that even the few that may read this blog face these same obstacles?  These same silly obstacles?  Why do we let these things hold us back from doing what we love... What we were put on this earth to do??  I'm not saying I was placed here by God to write this blog.  I'm not saying that every little thing I enjoy doing is God's purpose for my life. BUT, I will say- that each one of those things- give my life purpose. 
I believe that the only way to live a successful life- a happy one- is to do what you love- for the glory of God, the benefit of others, and the peace and satisfaction of your own life.  Why would I let someone else determine for me what those things might be?  I love people.  I thorougly enjoy writing.  I have a passion for letting my talents, no matter how big or small,  be used to accomplish great things in this life.  So- why not start a blog?  Why not prepare to write a book?  Why let it bother me that people I've looked up to and friends I was close to's non-interest keep me from pursuing my dreams? WHY?
To enlighten you on why I said what I did-  there was a time in the not-to-distant past, that I had attempted in beginning one of my hearts desires-  a children's book.  This was such a beginning, that this "book" was only 2 typed computer pages- DOUBLE SPACED.  :)  I had given it to a friend that I had the UTMOST confidence in... and also because I had just spent 2 weeks of my time literally pouring my heart into something for a dream in her heart... while working a full-time job. I was waiting for some kind of encouragement or critique.  I wanted to know that someone had an interest in showing me support for something I longed for.  After 6 months, I inquired.  My response given: "I'm so sorry. I just haven't had time yet."  That was completely fine.  Even then I tried to understand.  She's busy.  She's got soooo much on her plate.  It's okay.  But, after a year, when I went to ask for it back, it was nowhere to be found.  She didn't know what she had done with it... She couldn't even remember if she had moved it from the place I first laid it.  I was so hurt.  So disappointed.  Not angry at her, but at the fact that what I did must not have been good enough.  What I enjoyed must not be the right thing, since she had shown no interest.  I didn't write anything for 2 years after that.  I didn't feel like my writing talent was ever going to get anywhere.
Looking back now, I see how foolish of me that was.  It was just one person.  There's a whole world out there of resources and supporters that I've yet to meet.  But, even more importantly than that-  God is on my side. He supports me.  The Bible even says, "Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He will give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4  It took me a little while to learn that in order to get the "desires of my heart," I had to learn to "delight myself in the Lord."
This is when my miraculous turn-around took place.  I learned how to do that.  The last two blog entries were just the summary of my life today.  It's time, now, to share with you how I got here. 
I decided that eating the leftovers on other people's plates...  was no longer good enough for me. It was time to open my own ME.N.U and partake in what the Lord had offered for my life.

Why ME.N.U. ?

If you're wondering why I chose a name like ME.N.U for my blog, let me explain what my crazy mind was thinking. I wanted a name that would describe my day-to-day lifestyle. A title that would be easy to elaborate on in an effective way to share my life's goals. I was looking for words that communicated correctly the definition of the origin of my happiness and ambitions. I was thinking of names like, "Livin' Out Loud," and "Outliving my Life," and "Free...," yea... I couldn't think of a name I was fully happy with. So... when I paused and thought of what my life was really about, I realized it was all because I lived life in HIM. Anything good I've been given, even goals... anything good I will have, even dreams... all come from Him... for His glory.

If you remember in my first entry, Appetizer, you'll remember that I said here recently I've just had this overwhelming ZEAL for a life to it's fullest. That's so true. I have finally realized that a relationship with the Creator of all things is how to get there.

Think with me. You know how when you're wanting to get something you want (non-selfishly) it's always said, "Get in good with the boss." That can be said of anything and anyone. On the job- if you make your manager/supervisor angry on a regular basis, do you really think they're going to give you that promotion? Kids- if you're disrespectful to your parents, do you honestly believe they'll let you invite your friend over? Or if you never listen to your teacher at school, can you truly picture them helping you individually raise your grade just so you can make the ball team? NO. It's just probably not gonna' happen. They want to know you care about what they're trying to teach you.. They need to be sure you're doing your absolute best. If this can be said of you, more often than not, your leaders will be willing to help and support you. And if they really understand and are called into leadership, they will WANT to help you get what you want and see you succeed.

How much more, then, would Jesus want to help His child? Not that this is why I serve Him, but it is a benefit that He "daily loadeth me" with. The desires HE has placed in my heart are there for a reason. I need to ask HIM about how to get there. No one else. I do believe in having the utmost respect for your authority, because He places them in your life for a reason, too. However, when you begin to confide in them and lean more on their words than on HIS, your relationship with Him loses its value. The reason my husband and I stay so close is because we tell each other everything. And because we care more about each others opinion and happiness than everyone else around us. If I began to call my best girlfriend up or my sister and tell her things I didn't tell my husband... or if I cared more about doing what she wanted than I did about his desires, the closeness of our relationship would drastically change. Now I tell my girlfriends a lot. I tell my sister even more. BUT, the relationship between me and my spouse is incomparable.

With this being said, the closeness between me and my Lord is closer still. It took a while for me to realize I had lost that. I had gotten too wrapped up in caring about everyone else's opinion... tried to focus on accomplishing their goals for my life... changed my desires to be what they wanted me to be so they could use me the way they wanted to use me. The bond I had shared with my Jesus was slowly dissolving and therefore my joy... my purpose.

Yet, when I finally reached the place I could take it no more, I prayed so earnestly that God would lead me. It was a little difficult drowning out all the voices around me, but slowly YET surely, I learned to concentrate hard enough that only HIS voice could be heard. Now it's pretty easy. And my joy... it's unspeakable.

My Christian life is now back to it's foundation. Its first love. MY JESUS. That's all I worry about. That's all I think about. And He has made EVERYTHING fall right into its proper place that I had moved around time and time again. I know my life will be different than others probably expected. I am sure some will say I've got it all wrong. I have no doubts that it's all okay. My life is about me living in Christ. My life is a MENU. There's awesome things in it. There's sweet things available. There's things I'm not gonna like a whole lot. There's going to be "entrees" that I will want to add to or take away from to fit my appetite just right. But that's what makes it flavorful. Jesus wrote up my menu. And the coolest thing is, no matter what I'm served- it's my choice.

Appetizer

Ok- since we are viewing my blog, titled "ME.N.U", I guess it would be good to start you off with just an introduction of the story of my life.  Hence, "Appetizer." 
Here in the last month I have acquired an amazing, compelling zeal for life... and life to its fullest! I've always been what I consider, (and what those around me have as well) a happy person. Content with life.  Satisfied with whatever I was handed. NOT.  But I was really good at making it look that way.  Now, I am still EXTREMELY thankful for what my life has been and what I have been given.  I'm grateful for opportunities I was offered, whether accepted or declined.  But, I've realized now what true contentment is.  It's not the "being satisfied with just whatever" contentment I'm talking about.  I don't believe that's God's intention for us at all.  Being thankful for just whatever, sure. Contentment without satisfaction- that's what I had.  I was not miserable in everything.  I was not unthankful for anything.  However, I was not satisfied with the direction of my life... pretty much because I wasn't following a reliable map. 
I was the wandering soul following every voice pitched my way.  The clueless mind accepting every opinion thrown at me.  The longing heart allowing anything and anyone to break it by trying to change it; that was me... How did I change?  By realizing and grasping What it was I wanted when I first began my purpose-driven life...  a RELATIONSHIP with my Jesus like NO other.  A FREEDOM in my Jesus like NO other. A life full of purpose from my Jesus like NO other.  I got that back.  Now, I'm content and satisfied to know my life is going to be crazy awesome, because HE wants that for me...