Greetings! There's something I just have to share! Over the last year, there's been such a needed change occur in my life... in my heart. I have joy and peace that I honestly can't explain. Have troubles stopped? No. Has the gossip ceased? Definitely not. In fact, I can probably be fairly accurate when I say it's gotten worse. But, for some Reason, the "cause" has had a much different "effect" with me. Before, what used to depress me for days, only lights a fire under me to just keep smiling and prove to the world I have the Real thing. The things I used to hear that were said about me, or those I love, used to make me so angry I couldn't even really think straight for a few days. Sure, I could muster up a fake smile and talk in a chipper voice, but inside, I knew that wasn't how I really felt. And, although I had some fooled, many could still tell there was something hurting my heart.
I finally reached the point that I knew it just DIDN'T MATTER. Really. Life, MY LIFE, is so short... do I want to spend it down in the dumps 80% of the time because of what some people choose to say or do? Should I worry and whine when life happens and things don't go my way? When I really deeply pondered on that question, I knew I had to make a change. I didn't want my life wasted. I didn't want to live any way other than happy, content, and fulfilled. That only came by completely FIXING my eyes on JESUS! That story of Peter walking on water meant so much more to me. I was able to really grasp it's incredible meaning. As soon as he looked around at the waves that were seemingly out to take him under, he started to sink. Why? Because he lost sight of Who it was that held him up. The same thing happened to me. I would start to think that my life would never amount to anything if these things didn't go away. If those voices didn't hush, I would surely never win. They were lying, they were hurting, they were HINDERING. But, God knew that, too. Which I believe is the very reason, when He got me to the point to understand that life could be so much more, He caused me to let it all go. Was it easy? No stinkin' way. It was the hardest battle fought up to this point in my life. But once the victory was claimed, it was so worth it.
Where am I going with this? Well, as sad as it is, I have, as Paul stated, "a thorn in my flesh." Someone out to literally destroy. No matter where it is... work, previous churches, friends... the list could go on. I've never been lied on or treated worse than this before. And that used to would have eaten me alive. I would have tossed and turned at night wondering who was going to believe her. What's she going to take away this time? But, God doesn't want us to pick up weapons... He wants to fight for us. So, that's what I'm going to let Him do. And in the meantime, I will rejoice in His love.
Just this morning, something else occurred... as soon as I felt the sting of frustration, a coworker of mine approached me with a smile. She said on her way to work she heard a song and felt like God wanted her to remind me of something. Her words were,
"Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor wishing they'd have had the strength to stand. The giant's calling out your name and he laughs at you. Reminding you of all the times you've tried before and failed. The giant keeps on telling you, time and time again, "You'll never win. You'll NEVER win." BUT- the Voice of Truth tells you a different story. The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid." The Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to you... just choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth."
Did she know that was one of my favorite songs? Not a chance. Does she have a clue what's going on in my life? No way possible. Do I feel like God was speaking to me this morning? No doubts whatsoever.
Here comes that peace again. This joy is never fading. Life is worth living to it's fullest- and that's the only thing you'll want to do when Christ is in control. I finally know the full meaning of those words. Christ is in control! I just pray that if any of my wonderful friends are facing the same battles, or maybe only slightly similar ones, I would hope to encourage you today. Live your life for Christ and realize what's important. Remember, He NEVER gives us more than we can bear. AND, He is our shield. So, the "arrows" He's allowing to be shot at us, obviously aren't big threats. Just jump to the side a little, or duck. We're going to make it. Our lives are going to be amazing... if we so choose. Choose Jesus and watch it happen!
He can change your "tastebuds," and things that used to make you sick- will only bring a little more health to your spiritual life when handled by Him.
I'm a different person, all around... and I love it. I've never been more at ease, and yet more on edge to do something for His kingdom. I want to inspire everyone else to realize it can happen! If this extreme happiness can be in my heart 24/7... I know it's there waiting for you, too. Just ask Him. He's waiting.
Love!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
O Taste And See
I must say-- it's been forever!! However, I have good reasons. (yay!) Aaron and I were extremely busy with college, and we got our first semester finished out with A's!
BUT- on an even better note - we were asked back in April to be the Associate Pastors of Student Ministries at Faith Assembly. It was a church that some old friends of ours pastored. Directing my thoughts that way, it's so obvious that the Lord seriously let us "just run into them." We found out they only lived about 40 miles away from us. We decided (after SEVERAL months) to visit. We had some questions that they had a lot of answers to, and we were going to meet with them about them.
Lo and behold, after just a few times of visiting with them, they informed us that they needed youth pastors, and they were praying that God would either send someone or lead them to find them. After much talk, and even more prayer, Aaron and I both sincerely and wholeheartedly felt like this was the road we should take.
I can honestly say, we've never been so excited and happy in all of our lives. We have both found an even bigger zeal to do something amazing for Jesus. As I read back over some of my past posts, and I go back even farther in my diary, seeing where I am today, and the opportunity we've been given... well, I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude. This position truly allows and supports us in nearly every dream we've ever longed to fulfill.
We are over some amazing teens! And talented!!! We lead Worship on Wednesdays with the youth, allowing us to incorporate a lot of the music we've written. We work side by side with some incredible people... and friends. That's a huge blessing all by itself. We feel nothing but love, support, and respect from them... which makes it a natural thing to give it all right back. It's definitely a team. And that's so nice.
We get to renovate the youth building. We're coming up with a name for the youth group. We're getting shirts made... We've got TONS of activities planned. We have at least three activities every month, not including practices and youth services. Every one of them completely supported by the Pastor and Board, who, in turn, push the church to fully support. I truly feel like I'm living a dream. Honestly, I am. It's my dream. Our dream. And it's incredible.
I remember back to the times when this all looked impossible. It was so easy to just want to give up, pursue a career, dedicate our lives to something different. Yet, the ministry was all we wanted. It's who He made us to be. And when He compelled us to remain faithful to Him, He proved Himself faithful by opening up the opportunity of a lifetime.
O taste and see, that the Lord, He Is Good! Once you've tasted of His blessings and grace... Once you've experienced for yourself how truly amazing the life He gives really is, you'll see how good He is. You'll crave His will, His work... and you'll keep desiring more of Him.
I'm so thankful to Him for every good and perfect gift in my life- for it comes only from Him. Today, this gal is unexplainably thrilled! This post doesn't have a unique thought with it, or a captivating illustration... but it's full of heartfelt gratitude and excitement. I'll do my best to keep it updated throughout our newest journey. (Plus, I have to tell you all about how my lil bro came to Illinois to live with us!!... but that's another story!!) In time, my friends, in time. :) LOVE!!
BUT- on an even better note - we were asked back in April to be the Associate Pastors of Student Ministries at Faith Assembly. It was a church that some old friends of ours pastored. Directing my thoughts that way, it's so obvious that the Lord seriously let us "just run into them." We found out they only lived about 40 miles away from us. We decided (after SEVERAL months) to visit. We had some questions that they had a lot of answers to, and we were going to meet with them about them.
Lo and behold, after just a few times of visiting with them, they informed us that they needed youth pastors, and they were praying that God would either send someone or lead them to find them. After much talk, and even more prayer, Aaron and I both sincerely and wholeheartedly felt like this was the road we should take.
I can honestly say, we've never been so excited and happy in all of our lives. We have both found an even bigger zeal to do something amazing for Jesus. As I read back over some of my past posts, and I go back even farther in my diary, seeing where I am today, and the opportunity we've been given... well, I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude. This position truly allows and supports us in nearly every dream we've ever longed to fulfill.
We are over some amazing teens! And talented!!! We lead Worship on Wednesdays with the youth, allowing us to incorporate a lot of the music we've written. We work side by side with some incredible people... and friends. That's a huge blessing all by itself. We feel nothing but love, support, and respect from them... which makes it a natural thing to give it all right back. It's definitely a team. And that's so nice.
We get to renovate the youth building. We're coming up with a name for the youth group. We're getting shirts made... We've got TONS of activities planned. We have at least three activities every month, not including practices and youth services. Every one of them completely supported by the Pastor and Board, who, in turn, push the church to fully support. I truly feel like I'm living a dream. Honestly, I am. It's my dream. Our dream. And it's incredible.
I remember back to the times when this all looked impossible. It was so easy to just want to give up, pursue a career, dedicate our lives to something different. Yet, the ministry was all we wanted. It's who He made us to be. And when He compelled us to remain faithful to Him, He proved Himself faithful by opening up the opportunity of a lifetime.
O taste and see, that the Lord, He Is Good! Once you've tasted of His blessings and grace... Once you've experienced for yourself how truly amazing the life He gives really is, you'll see how good He is. You'll crave His will, His work... and you'll keep desiring more of Him.
I'm so thankful to Him for every good and perfect gift in my life- for it comes only from Him. Today, this gal is unexplainably thrilled! This post doesn't have a unique thought with it, or a captivating illustration... but it's full of heartfelt gratitude and excitement. I'll do my best to keep it updated throughout our newest journey. (Plus, I have to tell you all about how my lil bro came to Illinois to live with us!!... but that's another story!!) In time, my friends, in time. :) LOVE!!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Humble Pie
Has anyone ever heard the saying, "They need to eat some humble pie?" In Kentucky, where I'm proudly from, it's an old one. As easy as it is to point out someone else's need for humility, noticing your own need for a piece, comes a little harder.
When referring to pride, I know the first thing that usually pops into our brains is arrogance, hatefulness, and "I'm better than you-ness." In this case, I'm talking about the pride in which it kills you to leave your comfort zone because of your fear of failure. I mean the pride that keeps you from stepping out and doing exactly what God wants for your life, because you're unsure of the response you'll get from everyone else around you. That's the pride I'm thinking of... and that's the pride I had.
I never noticed it before a month or so ago. Honestly. Up to that point I had always masked it as just trying to be smart or weighing my options. If that didn't fit the scenario, I then pulled my hurt or lack of self confidence out of the bag, and tried to throw that around. I think the Lord was getting tired of it. Actually, I have no doubts.
I was home from work doing my thing... cleaning, laundry, figuring out what to make for dinner... and I felt this overwhelming sense of discontent. Not an unthankful sort, but an "I'm really missing out on something" kind. I knelt down to pray almost instantly. I asked God to please lead us and guide us. Give us favor. Use us however He needed to bring glory to His name. I read Scriptures about Abraham "going... without knowing whither he went..." I heard songs about God leading a frightened, stuttering Moses back to Egypt to deliver His people. I felt that God was about to make some major changes in my life... and I got scared? No. Prideful. But God, I don't know if I could handle this. I don't know what others will think. What if it doesn't bring about some magnificent thing and people think we're just young and dumb? What if we get no support? When will it work out? How will it work out? I asked a ton of questions that didn't deserve an answer. And God, being God, knew that... and He offered none.
About a week or so later, a missionary came to our church. I love and respect missionaries beyond words. Major sacrifices, for the cause of Christ... that's commendable and admirable. But, I was really needing God to speak to me... and knowing that the service was probably going to be about the work going on in another country... I didn't think it was going to happen. (Again, notice the pride... I thought God had to do it a certain way... Wow.) Yet, when this man began to speak, I knew it was going to be different than I had come expecting.
The message was regarding the Apostle Paul. A brief foundation was given about the amazing conversion of Saul- to Paul, the obstacles he faced, and the lives he won for Jesus. Towards the middle of the sermon, the objective changed. He started focusing on Paul and the time he felt compelled to go to Rome. He stressed how different ones were telling him not to go because he would surely be killed. And in one portion of Scripture it points out that the Holy Ghost even spoke to him to let him know he would be put in jail if he went. Yet Paul knew in His heart Rome is where God wanted him.
The missionary made a comment that He could just picture Paul sitting in prison writing that letter to Timothy, while others back in other lands were talking about how Paul "just missed it." Saying things like, "If he would've just stayed here... If he would have just not gone to Rome... If he would have just done what we all thought, he'd be doing so much for God, and instead, he's stuck in some jail... doing nothing." At that moment, I saw Paul as a human. Not just as THE Apostle Paul who wrote most of the New Testament... but Paul, the man. I realized right there in service that Paul had to eat some humble pie. He was willing to do what God wanted him to do, despite everyone's comments of defeat. He went to Rome to bring glory to the Most High, ended up in prison, and even wrote about people not visiting him there. He talked about being cold and lonely, and he asked Timothy to bring him his coat... before winter. Those, seemingly minor, details spoke wonders to me. He felt the same pain, the same confusion, even the same coldness we do. And he was willing to suffer it! Thank God, Paul gave his all. If Paul hadn't been placed in jail, a guard would not have been saved and we wouldn't have all the soul piercing letters he wrote to the churches of his time. I opened my Bible and noticed all the highlighted areas throughout Ephesians and Philippians, and 1st and 2nd Timothy. All those verses had either helped encourage or convict my heart at some point in my life. Although we see the reason for Paul's inprisonment now, back in his day, people lost respect for him, because in their eyes, He was doing nothing.
God spoke to me. Never doubting His love, I felt His chastisement as well. I had to let go of the pride of what others might think of us, if we follow God into a place they don't understand. I had to quit saying no because of the fear of failure and disappointment. I had to leave my comfort zone; surrender my all.
What's crazy awesome, is that as soon as I was willing to do that- God began to show me things. We had doors open that same week, that we would have never dreamed of. Seriously. It's like they came from out of nowhere. We got calls from people that we respected immensely, and yet never really got close to... and they called us because "they had been thinking about us." After talking with them we were stunned to learn that they had went through almost, to the T, the exact same thing we were being dealt with about. They encouraged us so much by sharing with us a verse that God had given them a year ago from the book of Psalms. "Thou hast led me in a plain path." The prayer of our hearts. Someone else was where we are, God led them, and He would lead us.
Within a week's time, four people we have highly looked up to called us to give us words of encouragement... having no clue what it was we were even praying about. God's confirmation is so surreal. And it's so sweet. I am so excited to see what God does with us in 2012. Although the unknown is always a little scary, I won't be holding on to pride anymore. I hope, if anything, I could encourage someone out there to let go and let God. Don't miss out on your time to make a difference, according to His will, because of things that don't matter. It's just not worth it. Realize it's pride... it's sin... and it's causing you to miss out on God's greatness. I had to eat a piece of that humble pie, and much to my surprise, it wasn't that bad.
When referring to pride, I know the first thing that usually pops into our brains is arrogance, hatefulness, and "I'm better than you-ness." In this case, I'm talking about the pride in which it kills you to leave your comfort zone because of your fear of failure. I mean the pride that keeps you from stepping out and doing exactly what God wants for your life, because you're unsure of the response you'll get from everyone else around you. That's the pride I'm thinking of... and that's the pride I had.
I never noticed it before a month or so ago. Honestly. Up to that point I had always masked it as just trying to be smart or weighing my options. If that didn't fit the scenario, I then pulled my hurt or lack of self confidence out of the bag, and tried to throw that around. I think the Lord was getting tired of it. Actually, I have no doubts.
I was home from work doing my thing... cleaning, laundry, figuring out what to make for dinner... and I felt this overwhelming sense of discontent. Not an unthankful sort, but an "I'm really missing out on something" kind. I knelt down to pray almost instantly. I asked God to please lead us and guide us. Give us favor. Use us however He needed to bring glory to His name. I read Scriptures about Abraham "going... without knowing whither he went..." I heard songs about God leading a frightened, stuttering Moses back to Egypt to deliver His people. I felt that God was about to make some major changes in my life... and I got scared? No. Prideful. But God, I don't know if I could handle this. I don't know what others will think. What if it doesn't bring about some magnificent thing and people think we're just young and dumb? What if we get no support? When will it work out? How will it work out? I asked a ton of questions that didn't deserve an answer. And God, being God, knew that... and He offered none.
About a week or so later, a missionary came to our church. I love and respect missionaries beyond words. Major sacrifices, for the cause of Christ... that's commendable and admirable. But, I was really needing God to speak to me... and knowing that the service was probably going to be about the work going on in another country... I didn't think it was going to happen. (Again, notice the pride... I thought God had to do it a certain way... Wow.) Yet, when this man began to speak, I knew it was going to be different than I had come expecting.
The message was regarding the Apostle Paul. A brief foundation was given about the amazing conversion of Saul- to Paul, the obstacles he faced, and the lives he won for Jesus. Towards the middle of the sermon, the objective changed. He started focusing on Paul and the time he felt compelled to go to Rome. He stressed how different ones were telling him not to go because he would surely be killed. And in one portion of Scripture it points out that the Holy Ghost even spoke to him to let him know he would be put in jail if he went. Yet Paul knew in His heart Rome is where God wanted him.
The missionary made a comment that He could just picture Paul sitting in prison writing that letter to Timothy, while others back in other lands were talking about how Paul "just missed it." Saying things like, "If he would've just stayed here... If he would have just not gone to Rome... If he would have just done what we all thought, he'd be doing so much for God, and instead, he's stuck in some jail... doing nothing." At that moment, I saw Paul as a human. Not just as THE Apostle Paul who wrote most of the New Testament... but Paul, the man. I realized right there in service that Paul had to eat some humble pie. He was willing to do what God wanted him to do, despite everyone's comments of defeat. He went to Rome to bring glory to the Most High, ended up in prison, and even wrote about people not visiting him there. He talked about being cold and lonely, and he asked Timothy to bring him his coat... before winter. Those, seemingly minor, details spoke wonders to me. He felt the same pain, the same confusion, even the same coldness we do. And he was willing to suffer it! Thank God, Paul gave his all. If Paul hadn't been placed in jail, a guard would not have been saved and we wouldn't have all the soul piercing letters he wrote to the churches of his time. I opened my Bible and noticed all the highlighted areas throughout Ephesians and Philippians, and 1st and 2nd Timothy. All those verses had either helped encourage or convict my heart at some point in my life. Although we see the reason for Paul's inprisonment now, back in his day, people lost respect for him, because in their eyes, He was doing nothing.
God spoke to me. Never doubting His love, I felt His chastisement as well. I had to let go of the pride of what others might think of us, if we follow God into a place they don't understand. I had to quit saying no because of the fear of failure and disappointment. I had to leave my comfort zone; surrender my all.
What's crazy awesome, is that as soon as I was willing to do that- God began to show me things. We had doors open that same week, that we would have never dreamed of. Seriously. It's like they came from out of nowhere. We got calls from people that we respected immensely, and yet never really got close to... and they called us because "they had been thinking about us." After talking with them we were stunned to learn that they had went through almost, to the T, the exact same thing we were being dealt with about. They encouraged us so much by sharing with us a verse that God had given them a year ago from the book of Psalms. "Thou hast led me in a plain path." The prayer of our hearts. Someone else was where we are, God led them, and He would lead us.
Within a week's time, four people we have highly looked up to called us to give us words of encouragement... having no clue what it was we were even praying about. God's confirmation is so surreal. And it's so sweet. I am so excited to see what God does with us in 2012. Although the unknown is always a little scary, I won't be holding on to pride anymore. I hope, if anything, I could encourage someone out there to let go and let God. Don't miss out on your time to make a difference, according to His will, because of things that don't matter. It's just not worth it. Realize it's pride... it's sin... and it's causing you to miss out on God's greatness. I had to eat a piece of that humble pie, and much to my surprise, it wasn't that bad.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Just a Little Something to Nibble On
*****Working for an eye dr- I see people lose their sight more often than others. I see the fear when you inform them they have a disease that could potentially blind them. I sense the hesitance when you tell them surgery on the eye would make them see clearer. I see them stubbornly refuse because they're afraid of possibly losing the sight they have NOW. They don't realize they can see even better!! They've gotten so used to their view they've had forever, anything different, well, just has to be worse. On the other hand, I see those that do get treated, and vision is restored. They smile and laugh, and point at things they didn't realize "were so bright blue!" Its amazing. Makes me even more thankful to JESUS for opening my eyes! I once was blind... BUT NOW... I CAN SEE!!*****
This is a facebook status I posted yesterday- and the thought has stuck with me. I am overwhelmingly thankful for: #1- Jesus' sacrifice and #2- God's grace. It's so humbling to think that the Creator of this world knows every awful thing about me... and STILL cares about me, forgives me, uses me, and believes in me enough to bear His name. What an unconditional love.
I remember something that happened a couple months back. I was at work... It had been a long and eventful day. Everybody's nerves seemed to be frazzled. We had been short handed, had several grumpy patients, and it seemed like everyone of us made one mistake or another that day. Some people were literally on the verge of tears, others were griping, and some, like me, were just silent and obviously tense. Then, the office television (which had been on all day- and completely ignored by all employees) suddenly got my attention. I could hear the sobering sound of bagpipes bellowing beautifully the melody of "Amazing Grace." Beyond all my control, tears began to fill my eyes. Instant peace flooded my soul. As the soloist began to sing, and a few saw my tears, everyone else that was still in the office stopped and watched- and listened. Really listened. As each stanza was completed you could hear sighs and a few gentle laughs. When the first chorus was repeated to end the song, I said aloud, "Isn't it just awesome how the thought of the amazingness of God's grace can cover a multitude of frustrations? And better yet... a multitude of sins!"
I was so convicted and refreshed at the same time. Convicted because I was JUST NOW remembering that verse in the Bible, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee." Why is it that we let POINTLESS things take over our thoughts for any amount of time. Just a few minutes is too long! We must remember God's blessings outweigh any bad thing we think we may endure.
Then I was refreshed... because I knew, I had found God's grace. I had experienced it. Grace is a gift He gave, and I accepted. I'm thankful that when I was lost, He sought me and He found me! And after years of living in darkness, He allowed me to see His light and the beauty that comes when living for Him. I was blind. Now, (thank God) I see.
Grace. Grace. God's grace.
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within.
Grace. Grace. God's grace.
Grace that is greater than all my sin.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sample Sample
Surely every single one of us, at some point in our lives, have walked through the busseling food court of a busy mall, and heard that distant Chinese voice... "Sample. Sample. Sample! Sample!" Of course, we musn't forget that crazy guy that runs around donning different hats, sunglasses, and scarves conning the Chinese out of chicken. As humorous as it is... those samples really can get ya hooked.
I can think of countless times I had every intention of choosing a certain vendor or restaurant, but got cornered into trying a piece of peking chicken. After tasting that one little sample, it made me realize how great the actual meal would be. I'm pretty positive that at least 98% of the time, I was persuaded to choose the restaurant from which the sample was taken. That annoying little word spoken in that funny little voice, got my business!! That little preview worked. Serving as a wonderful tool in the food industry, samples can also be given to preview things in other areas of our lives.
I was just sitting here thinking of how there's SO STINKIN' MUCH I want to do with my life, and SO LITTLE TIME I have to do it... and I don't want to waste a second! Aaron and I both have such a zeal and desire to do something for the Lord- and we definitely feel Him leading in a certain direction- but it's taking some time to get the "meal prepared." On occasion, I get so weary waiting. I literally cry out, "God, I'm here! I'm so willing! I'm trying to be who You want me to be! Why is it taking so long? Don't You want willing vessels? Here am I; send me!" I hear Him speak, I feel Him lead, and I see His hand moving, yet the time is just not yet. This gets so unbearably hard at times. In our little finite minds, it makes no sense whatsoever why God wouldn't open this thing that He's placed in our hearts right at the first moment we say, "Yes, Lord." I mean, He called us. We both felt it. We both KNOW it. We both want it. Why, if it's not time, right now?
Because, they're samples.
Only He sees the big picture, the next chapter, the main entree. But, in order to keep us hungering, and to keep us wanting His divine plan with every piece of our hearts, He gives samples along the way to "hold us over". That confirmation from a sermon. That Scripture we read this morning that seemed to fly off the page. That word someone felt like sharing. That Spirit we felt in that service. They're all samples. They prove that the "meal" is there, if we choose it... and we'll get it as soon as it's ready to be served.
I sometimes have little pity parties (shame on me, I know)... and think my life has been full of "just samples." There is some truth in that, because God doesn't ever plan on leaving you in the same place for too long! Just like anything that just sits in the same place for too long; you get dusty, or stale. And frankly, I don't want those words describing me. Sure, you may hold a certain position for a while, and that's great!... but God will soon start dealing with you about something else... even if it takes a little time for it to all be ready. Sometimes you move on quickly. God's first direction was just a door to lead you somewhere else. I've seen it happen to others. I've watched it happen to me.
Sometimes I let that thought rob me of victory. I get so focused on the "meals" I haven't partaken of yet, that I forget about the little blessings God's providing. Those many smaller opportunities He gave me to bless someone, they're just tossed right out the door. No, we may not be doing what our hearts are so desperately set on full time yet. Our everyday routine may not be filled with outreach and ministry like we so yearn, right at this moment. But I must realize those things I do faithfully, the Christian attitude I try so very hard to always have, the nice things I say to someone to try and encourage them a little bit longer, those dishes I wash, that shirt I iron, that phone call I make, that song I sing, testimony I give, prayer I pray... those little things I try to do for God that seem to not matter at all... they are little samples He gives me to show me what He's got to offer. So, yes, my life has been filled with samples. But I've had my share of meals, too. God's done wonderful things in our life. He's moved us around the country a few times. He's led us to people who have been absolutely amazing influences or pillars in our lives. He's called us to places to learn things we needed to learn. We've dealt with things to cause us to see what we did or didn't need to do. Hurts caused us to lean solely on Him, disappointments led us to trust Him... even mistakes caused us to remember that we must always look to Him. Everything is just a part of His plan. Looking back, I can see the bigger pictures that before I couldn't see. And because of that, I know that there's another one just around the bend.
I'm glad God doesn't just throw us into something blindly. He doesn't just push us through doors, or set full plates of some entirely new taste right in front of us. He first gently whispers. He, then, continues to lay things on our hearts. He sends bits of peace and confirmation. He gives that strong burden. He gives us samples... just so we can have a small taste of the greatness He's about to set before us.
I can think of countless times I had every intention of choosing a certain vendor or restaurant, but got cornered into trying a piece of peking chicken. After tasting that one little sample, it made me realize how great the actual meal would be. I'm pretty positive that at least 98% of the time, I was persuaded to choose the restaurant from which the sample was taken. That annoying little word spoken in that funny little voice, got my business!! That little preview worked. Serving as a wonderful tool in the food industry, samples can also be given to preview things in other areas of our lives.
I was just sitting here thinking of how there's SO STINKIN' MUCH I want to do with my life, and SO LITTLE TIME I have to do it... and I don't want to waste a second! Aaron and I both have such a zeal and desire to do something for the Lord- and we definitely feel Him leading in a certain direction- but it's taking some time to get the "meal prepared." On occasion, I get so weary waiting. I literally cry out, "God, I'm here! I'm so willing! I'm trying to be who You want me to be! Why is it taking so long? Don't You want willing vessels? Here am I; send me!" I hear Him speak, I feel Him lead, and I see His hand moving, yet the time is just not yet. This gets so unbearably hard at times. In our little finite minds, it makes no sense whatsoever why God wouldn't open this thing that He's placed in our hearts right at the first moment we say, "Yes, Lord." I mean, He called us. We both felt it. We both KNOW it. We both want it. Why, if it's not time, right now?
Because, they're samples.
Only He sees the big picture, the next chapter, the main entree. But, in order to keep us hungering, and to keep us wanting His divine plan with every piece of our hearts, He gives samples along the way to "hold us over". That confirmation from a sermon. That Scripture we read this morning that seemed to fly off the page. That word someone felt like sharing. That Spirit we felt in that service. They're all samples. They prove that the "meal" is there, if we choose it... and we'll get it as soon as it's ready to be served.
I sometimes have little pity parties (shame on me, I know)... and think my life has been full of "just samples." There is some truth in that, because God doesn't ever plan on leaving you in the same place for too long! Just like anything that just sits in the same place for too long; you get dusty, or stale. And frankly, I don't want those words describing me. Sure, you may hold a certain position for a while, and that's great!... but God will soon start dealing with you about something else... even if it takes a little time for it to all be ready. Sometimes you move on quickly. God's first direction was just a door to lead you somewhere else. I've seen it happen to others. I've watched it happen to me.
Sometimes I let that thought rob me of victory. I get so focused on the "meals" I haven't partaken of yet, that I forget about the little blessings God's providing. Those many smaller opportunities He gave me to bless someone, they're just tossed right out the door. No, we may not be doing what our hearts are so desperately set on full time yet. Our everyday routine may not be filled with outreach and ministry like we so yearn, right at this moment. But I must realize those things I do faithfully, the Christian attitude I try so very hard to always have, the nice things I say to someone to try and encourage them a little bit longer, those dishes I wash, that shirt I iron, that phone call I make, that song I sing, testimony I give, prayer I pray... those little things I try to do for God that seem to not matter at all... they are little samples He gives me to show me what He's got to offer. So, yes, my life has been filled with samples. But I've had my share of meals, too. God's done wonderful things in our life. He's moved us around the country a few times. He's led us to people who have been absolutely amazing influences or pillars in our lives. He's called us to places to learn things we needed to learn. We've dealt with things to cause us to see what we did or didn't need to do. Hurts caused us to lean solely on Him, disappointments led us to trust Him... even mistakes caused us to remember that we must always look to Him. Everything is just a part of His plan. Looking back, I can see the bigger pictures that before I couldn't see. And because of that, I know that there's another one just around the bend.
I'm glad God doesn't just throw us into something blindly. He doesn't just push us through doors, or set full plates of some entirely new taste right in front of us. He first gently whispers. He, then, continues to lay things on our hearts. He sends bits of peace and confirmation. He gives that strong burden. He gives us samples... just so we can have a small taste of the greatness He's about to set before us.
Monday, February 20, 2012
A Little Too Done
Have you ever cooked something, or ate something that someone else cooked, that just got a little too done? I have. More than once. Although I eat it, either because I have to, or simply because that's the mannerly thing to do, it's not always scrumptiously satisfying. Nonetheless, it's what I have to partake of at that particular time.
I kinda had a time like that a few weeks ago... looking at my life. Three, maybe four, days right in a row- stuff was just coming my way. I was getting "burnt."... Just a little too done.
At work, I dealt with drama that just didn't seem fair. It wasn't right. Everything that could have been done to annoy me, was done... and most of it was intentionally. Hours were cut, schedules were changed, things were said, promises were broken... Not a very nice feeling.
On top of that, we had some other news, (that I'm afraid would be too personal to share the details)... that had us convinced that the one thing that seemed to be going great in this chapter of our lives, was about to be stripped away. Plans we had been so excited in making were going to be pushed aside, again.
And, referring to a post I shared last month, I was having a hard time dealing with some health issues. Any thoughts or daydreams of a future family, brought an ache to my heart. Question after question. Thought after thought. Fear after fear.
Then we had some unknown charges appear on our bank statement... information hackers. Sweetness, right?
Next comes "hurt by people." Someone I had at one time looked up to, and felt pretty close to, said some really rude and unnecessary things to me. And when I use the word unnecessary, that's being nice. Yeah... it was a rough week for this ol' gal.
But ya know what? When that fourth rough day started to really take it's toll on me... when I called my husband crying and whining about how I was just getting close to my wit's end... when I fell down on my knees and asked God to give me a break... I heard Him speak.
"Kristi, do you remember what you testified about just five days ago? Do you remember when you talked about Job, and how he found a reason to praise Me in spite of everything he had to face? Can you recall that verse that so pricked your heart, and apply it to your own life, right now?"
Tears. Tears. And more tears. Just that past Sunday, as we started studying the book of Job, several people in our church were making comments about how they just didn't understand how he was able to find thankfulness so easily after his severe loss. Some made remarks on how they just didn't know if they would be able to be as faithful as Job. How could you be so grateful after losing absolutely everything dear to your heart?
That afternoon I ran across a verse in Psalms, that simply stated, "I will praise the Lord according to His righteousness." Then like a ton of bricks, it smacked me right in the face. That's how Job still had a praise! Because it doesn't matter one iota what we have or don't have... as Job said, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, but blessed be the name of the Lord."
Why is it so easy to lift up thankful hands right after a loved one passes away? Because He will comfort. How can we smile and sing "How Great Thou Art" as our heart aches due to the emptiness of our arms where we so long for a baby to be? Because He understands. How is it that we can stand and testify of God's goodness when we don't know how we'll pay our next bill? Because He's faithful. Why do we fall on our face and praise His name when we've been wronged by a brother or sister? Because He's holy. We praise Him, because He's righteous. He's worthy. He's God... and that's enough.
My tears of frustration soon became tears of guilt, which then became tears of joy, as I realized God knew my name. He knew where I was, how I felt, and loved me enough to try me. And when I felt His conviction, it reminded me, once again, how truly alive He is.
His goodness is unexplainable. His peace passeth all understanding. His love is unphathomable. The assurance we have in Him is beyond comprehension. When I think I've had more than I can bear... when I'm just a little too done with the circumstances of this life, I can find victory just as soon as I magnify His name.
Although the awesomeness of my Savior can't be explained, imitated, expressed, or even imagined... it can be experienced. Just ask Him to make Himself real to you again... or for the first time.
If life has you crying out in anger, confusion, hurt, depression, or if you're just tired of feeling lonely... look to Jesus and read the end of Job. He was doubley blessed in everything that he had once lost. God's got your back. Find Him. Trust Him. And praise Him, according to His righteousness!
I kinda had a time like that a few weeks ago... looking at my life. Three, maybe four, days right in a row- stuff was just coming my way. I was getting "burnt."... Just a little too done.
At work, I dealt with drama that just didn't seem fair. It wasn't right. Everything that could have been done to annoy me, was done... and most of it was intentionally. Hours were cut, schedules were changed, things were said, promises were broken... Not a very nice feeling.
On top of that, we had some other news, (that I'm afraid would be too personal to share the details)... that had us convinced that the one thing that seemed to be going great in this chapter of our lives, was about to be stripped away. Plans we had been so excited in making were going to be pushed aside, again.
And, referring to a post I shared last month, I was having a hard time dealing with some health issues. Any thoughts or daydreams of a future family, brought an ache to my heart. Question after question. Thought after thought. Fear after fear.
Then we had some unknown charges appear on our bank statement... information hackers. Sweetness, right?
Next comes "hurt by people." Someone I had at one time looked up to, and felt pretty close to, said some really rude and unnecessary things to me. And when I use the word unnecessary, that's being nice. Yeah... it was a rough week for this ol' gal.
But ya know what? When that fourth rough day started to really take it's toll on me... when I called my husband crying and whining about how I was just getting close to my wit's end... when I fell down on my knees and asked God to give me a break... I heard Him speak.
"Kristi, do you remember what you testified about just five days ago? Do you remember when you talked about Job, and how he found a reason to praise Me in spite of everything he had to face? Can you recall that verse that so pricked your heart, and apply it to your own life, right now?"
Tears. Tears. And more tears. Just that past Sunday, as we started studying the book of Job, several people in our church were making comments about how they just didn't understand how he was able to find thankfulness so easily after his severe loss. Some made remarks on how they just didn't know if they would be able to be as faithful as Job. How could you be so grateful after losing absolutely everything dear to your heart?
That afternoon I ran across a verse in Psalms, that simply stated, "I will praise the Lord according to His righteousness." Then like a ton of bricks, it smacked me right in the face. That's how Job still had a praise! Because it doesn't matter one iota what we have or don't have... as Job said, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, but blessed be the name of the Lord."
Why is it so easy to lift up thankful hands right after a loved one passes away? Because He will comfort. How can we smile and sing "How Great Thou Art" as our heart aches due to the emptiness of our arms where we so long for a baby to be? Because He understands. How is it that we can stand and testify of God's goodness when we don't know how we'll pay our next bill? Because He's faithful. Why do we fall on our face and praise His name when we've been wronged by a brother or sister? Because He's holy. We praise Him, because He's righteous. He's worthy. He's God... and that's enough.
My tears of frustration soon became tears of guilt, which then became tears of joy, as I realized God knew my name. He knew where I was, how I felt, and loved me enough to try me. And when I felt His conviction, it reminded me, once again, how truly alive He is.
His goodness is unexplainable. His peace passeth all understanding. His love is unphathomable. The assurance we have in Him is beyond comprehension. When I think I've had more than I can bear... when I'm just a little too done with the circumstances of this life, I can find victory just as soon as I magnify His name.
Although the awesomeness of my Savior can't be explained, imitated, expressed, or even imagined... it can be experienced. Just ask Him to make Himself real to you again... or for the first time.
If life has you crying out in anger, confusion, hurt, depression, or if you're just tired of feeling lonely... look to Jesus and read the end of Job. He was doubley blessed in everything that he had once lost. God's got your back. Find Him. Trust Him. And praise Him, according to His righteousness!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Unhealthy Cravings...
**My "Critic's Choices" are not finished yet--- they'll return shortly!!**
So, when you hear the words... "I'm really craving (whatever) ...," what "type" of people first come to mind?? For me, it's pregnant women. I think of the "pickles and ice cream," or "brownies with mustard," or "I needed a strawberry slush... like RIGHT NOW." As comical and somewhat sweet as it is, hearing these phrases, is sometimes really hard for me. This is a subject I try to avoid as much as possible. Most of the time, I do GREAT with the fact that I have no children. Other times... not so much. There are those moments (like right now) when I start desiring one so very badly. Or, craving, if you will. Unless you've sat in this seat... you can honestly have no idea.
I don't think I've ever spoken these words to anyone... or even said them aloud while praying... although they echo in my heart quite often. What if something's wrong? What if I never have a beautiful baby of my very own? What if I never get to caress the little faces I've dreamed about? What if no adorable little girl or precious little boy calls me Mommy? Can I bear it if I never get to watch my daughter splash water all over the kitchen floor as she helps me do the dishes? Will I ever get to stare thankfully out the window as I watch my little man play ball with his daddy? These questions torture me from time to time... and it hurts. Bad. This is such an unpleasant and personal subject with me, that I've tried to shrug it off like it just doesn''t matter everytime someone asks that question, "Any news yet???" or "When are you all going to have a little one???" or "Where's my grandbaby???" It KILLS me. I know they mean no harm-- but seriously??
I can honestly say, right now, things are fine. I'm trying so hard to trust the Lord... I know He knows best. I really do. And I'm incredibly thankful that God has given Aaron and I this time to share with each other. We've gotten so close! We've been able to go back to school to fulfill a dream in our hearts. And we have so much fun!... the list really could go on. But it seems like, even when I try to tell others of our busy schedule, or our goals in life that keep me pushing past it with a smile... I hear, "Well, as a mom it's just as busy..." and "Well, if you ever have kids you'll see that..." and "At least you get more sleep that I do..." and so much more can be said. Again, I know it's all in complete innocence... and so I get angry at no one because of it. Still, those words pierce my heart every time. The first thing that pops in my mind is... You're right. I'm just as swamped with the cares of life without the joy of a little one running around and the fulfillment of being a parent. And when it comes to the sleep part- that might be true... I know I'm not up taking care of sick babies or crying toddlers... but sometimes I can't sleep because of the ache in my own heart due to the silence and my empty arms. It's harder than a lot of people realize.
I'm not sharing this story for sympathy. Promise!! I don't need it. My life is still amazing inspite of this sad fact. I still laugh every day, have an absolutely wonderful husband to share my every moment with, and my friends, family, and goals for this life are unbelievable. I just thought it might help me forever conquer the battle in my mind. I try to hide so much... and sometimes, we just need to let it out.
About three and half years ago there was a little situation that occurred... I thought I might be expecting... and I wasn't. For the sake of time and personal reasons I won't go into details. Anyways... during this time we did visit the specialist who told us everything was fine. No problems... All was just as it should be... and I was oh so thankful. Yet after that... it's like I started noticing things that "used to not be like this." Which made my faith waiver a time or two. It still sometimes causes me to "wonder why." It really just doesn't make any sense. It's been 5 years... and nothing's happened????
However, through this, as hard as it is at times JUST NOT UNDERSTANDING... there's a peace that God puts in my heart every time it starts to hurt. And that peace also PASSETH UNDERSTANDING. And that overrides anything that might feel wrong.
I don't know what will happen. I have no idea. It's up to Him. It's almost funny though... because through this, I've gotten more zealous about life. I'm using this time to get my Masters in Education in hopes of one day running (and possibly starting) a Christian School. Aaron's going for Psychology with the intentions of being able to counsel families and teens centered around the Word. Maybe that's what this is all about? Maybe God saw down in the deepest depths of our souls and saw what we wanted to do- and He saw what He COULD do with our lives- and this is just one step in our journey to doing amazing things through Him! I started writing this post feeling pretty sad- and yet now, again, I feel so joyful and peaceful inside. My God is good like that! I do believe God will bless me with children at just the right time. He will give me the desires of my heart! It's a promise in His Word that I plan to cling to. And until that time comes, I've just gotta believe He's ordering our steps for some incredible purpose!! God only has three answers that He gives: 1) Yes. 2) Wait. 3) I've got something much better in mind. I like those answers.
So- even if you're not struggling with the same "craving" I am, you may have one of your own. That thing that enters your head and builds a dwelling place there- just so it can linger and taunt you when life's at its best. Don't let it. -- Desires are okay. They're safe--. But when you begin to crave- your spirit will lose control, flesh will take over, and your faith will grow extremely weak. These are not the qualities of an equipped, successful worker of the Lord! Let the craving go. Sometimes we think of cravings as things that can't be satisfied until you get what it is you're craving. NOT TRUE, my friend. Think with me here, If you've been craving a McDonald's coke all day- if for some reason you can't get it- and a pepsi from Taco Bell will have to suffice, after so many cups- eventually that craving for the coke will subside.
With that being said- when an "unhealthy" craving overtakes you- get full on something else!... Jesus! He always fills the void and quenches the soul. I don't know how. I don't have to. I just know it works. When He fills me up inside with His sweet joy and precious faith, and when I'm just overwhelmed by His comfort, I don't have room to crave anything that would make me sad or wanting.
I'm so thankful that the Lord not only fills those that hunger and thirst for righteousness... but He will also fill those that crave things unhealthy for their spirit, and "stuff 'em" with HIS peace. Wow.
The only thing I'll never get full of -- is Him. I'll want a closer relationship with Him every day. And that's a craving I never want to go away.
So, when you hear the words... "I'm really craving (whatever) ...," what "type" of people first come to mind?? For me, it's pregnant women. I think of the "pickles and ice cream," or "brownies with mustard," or "I needed a strawberry slush... like RIGHT NOW." As comical and somewhat sweet as it is, hearing these phrases, is sometimes really hard for me. This is a subject I try to avoid as much as possible. Most of the time, I do GREAT with the fact that I have no children. Other times... not so much. There are those moments (like right now) when I start desiring one so very badly. Or, craving, if you will. Unless you've sat in this seat... you can honestly have no idea.
I don't think I've ever spoken these words to anyone... or even said them aloud while praying... although they echo in my heart quite often. What if something's wrong? What if I never have a beautiful baby of my very own? What if I never get to caress the little faces I've dreamed about? What if no adorable little girl or precious little boy calls me Mommy? Can I bear it if I never get to watch my daughter splash water all over the kitchen floor as she helps me do the dishes? Will I ever get to stare thankfully out the window as I watch my little man play ball with his daddy? These questions torture me from time to time... and it hurts. Bad. This is such an unpleasant and personal subject with me, that I've tried to shrug it off like it just doesn''t matter everytime someone asks that question, "Any news yet???" or "When are you all going to have a little one???" or "Where's my grandbaby???" It KILLS me. I know they mean no harm-- but seriously??
I can honestly say, right now, things are fine. I'm trying so hard to trust the Lord... I know He knows best. I really do. And I'm incredibly thankful that God has given Aaron and I this time to share with each other. We've gotten so close! We've been able to go back to school to fulfill a dream in our hearts. And we have so much fun!... the list really could go on. But it seems like, even when I try to tell others of our busy schedule, or our goals in life that keep me pushing past it with a smile... I hear, "Well, as a mom it's just as busy..." and "Well, if you ever have kids you'll see that..." and "At least you get more sleep that I do..." and so much more can be said. Again, I know it's all in complete innocence... and so I get angry at no one because of it. Still, those words pierce my heart every time. The first thing that pops in my mind is... You're right. I'm just as swamped with the cares of life without the joy of a little one running around and the fulfillment of being a parent. And when it comes to the sleep part- that might be true... I know I'm not up taking care of sick babies or crying toddlers... but sometimes I can't sleep because of the ache in my own heart due to the silence and my empty arms. It's harder than a lot of people realize.
I'm not sharing this story for sympathy. Promise!! I don't need it. My life is still amazing inspite of this sad fact. I still laugh every day, have an absolutely wonderful husband to share my every moment with, and my friends, family, and goals for this life are unbelievable. I just thought it might help me forever conquer the battle in my mind. I try to hide so much... and sometimes, we just need to let it out.
About three and half years ago there was a little situation that occurred... I thought I might be expecting... and I wasn't. For the sake of time and personal reasons I won't go into details. Anyways... during this time we did visit the specialist who told us everything was fine. No problems... All was just as it should be... and I was oh so thankful. Yet after that... it's like I started noticing things that "used to not be like this." Which made my faith waiver a time or two. It still sometimes causes me to "wonder why." It really just doesn't make any sense. It's been 5 years... and nothing's happened????
However, through this, as hard as it is at times JUST NOT UNDERSTANDING... there's a peace that God puts in my heart every time it starts to hurt. And that peace also PASSETH UNDERSTANDING. And that overrides anything that might feel wrong.
I don't know what will happen. I have no idea. It's up to Him. It's almost funny though... because through this, I've gotten more zealous about life. I'm using this time to get my Masters in Education in hopes of one day running (and possibly starting) a Christian School. Aaron's going for Psychology with the intentions of being able to counsel families and teens centered around the Word. Maybe that's what this is all about? Maybe God saw down in the deepest depths of our souls and saw what we wanted to do- and He saw what He COULD do with our lives- and this is just one step in our journey to doing amazing things through Him! I started writing this post feeling pretty sad- and yet now, again, I feel so joyful and peaceful inside. My God is good like that! I do believe God will bless me with children at just the right time. He will give me the desires of my heart! It's a promise in His Word that I plan to cling to. And until that time comes, I've just gotta believe He's ordering our steps for some incredible purpose!! God only has three answers that He gives: 1) Yes. 2) Wait. 3) I've got something much better in mind. I like those answers.
So- even if you're not struggling with the same "craving" I am, you may have one of your own. That thing that enters your head and builds a dwelling place there- just so it can linger and taunt you when life's at its best. Don't let it. -- Desires are okay. They're safe--. But when you begin to crave- your spirit will lose control, flesh will take over, and your faith will grow extremely weak. These are not the qualities of an equipped, successful worker of the Lord! Let the craving go. Sometimes we think of cravings as things that can't be satisfied until you get what it is you're craving. NOT TRUE, my friend. Think with me here, If you've been craving a McDonald's coke all day- if for some reason you can't get it- and a pepsi from Taco Bell will have to suffice, after so many cups- eventually that craving for the coke will subside.
With that being said- when an "unhealthy" craving overtakes you- get full on something else!... Jesus! He always fills the void and quenches the soul. I don't know how. I don't have to. I just know it works. When He fills me up inside with His sweet joy and precious faith, and when I'm just overwhelmed by His comfort, I don't have room to crave anything that would make me sad or wanting.
I'm so thankful that the Lord not only fills those that hunger and thirst for righteousness... but He will also fill those that crave things unhealthy for their spirit, and "stuff 'em" with HIS peace. Wow.
The only thing I'll never get full of -- is Him. I'll want a closer relationship with Him every day. And that's a craving I never want to go away.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Critic's Choice =)
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| My Heatha'- My boo- My friend And here we have it- my other favorite person in this entire universe. Heather Renee. Even though we're not "family", I feel closer to her than even most of my kin. She's STINKIN' AWESOME!! Of all the people I've known my whole life, I've never had someone I really felt I NEEDED... except my Heatha'! Before I moved out of state, we made it a priority to spend at least one day a week together, if at all possible. Those times got me through some of the hardest times of my life. She is someone I feel that I can be absolutely retarded with, a little immature, and cause trouble with. (wink wink) Yet, at the same time, she is my most loyal confidant. I confide in her about nearly everything. Why?? Because I KNOW she cares. Truly. She has left no room for question. She has been there to offer a hug when I was scared or fearful. Her shoulder was always available when I just needed to cry like a big ol' baby. When I was down and discouraged about things that did or didn't matter, she was there to listen- and do whatever it took to make me smile. I love that girl!! With our busy schedules, and 180 mile separation, we don't get to talk or visit as much as we'd like.... not even close. Heather is a mom of three- and I have no children right now, so it's sometimes a little easier for me to break away from life and call her, then it is for her to call me. So, there are a lot of times I call, and she just can't talk. I totally understand. I still know she loves me- cause when she does call, she dedicates at least 3 hours just for me. *I feel so special!!* Anyways, I remember one time I tried to call and she couldn't get a break to talk, and she sent me this text apologizing for "being a bad friend... and because I had to chase after" her all the time. The first thought that entered my mind was, "Some friends are just worth chasin.'" She is! Not only is she a friend for my emotional, physical, and mental (lol) needs- she is faithfully there to help me spiritually. Every time I get off the phone with her, or leave a nice time of visiting her, I leave uplifted and encouraged. Always. My spirit feels free. My heart feels light. I feel happy. I feel supported. I feel loved. I can always sense the sincerity in her words. Her genuine love for the Lord is evident, and her desire to help His people and reach for the lost is obvious to anyone with opened eyes. She is incredibly talented, too- that comes with an anointing. And as amazing as she is, and yes, I mean AMAZING, she still finds words to brag on me... and push me on. The many dreams in her heart do not stop her from helping me reach mine. We work together, we share good news, information that will help us succeed in our goals. That's friendship! Loving and appreciating someone so much it makes you just as happy to see them happy and excited about something, as you would be if it were all happening to you. We got that! She's the only friend I can truly say understands me 100%. She was a God send for me. When I've felt like Moses standing by myself with my arms raised, she's the one who comes up behind me and holds my arms for me. She won't let me fail. She'll refuse to let me give up. I fully believe she'd do whatever it took to keep me pressing on... and with a big ol' cheesy grin on our faces... I'd make it through anything... cause she'd drag me by hair if she had to! I want her to know how incredibly special she is to me. How unbeatable her friendship is. Of all the wonderful people in this world, she's one of the very best. Hands down. Heatha' from the Ghetta'... YOU MY GIRL! |
Critic's Choice =)
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| My Bestest Bud |
"Slap your neighbor and tell 'em that the blood still speaks..."
When I hear this, I don't think of Bishop T.D. Jakes- I think of Justin Matthew.
My lil bro is unbelievably incredible. He's almost always in a good mood. There are those few times he gets kinda' cranky, but when you point that out to him, he even laughs about that! He has been through so much in life. Most people in this world would be shocked beyond belief if they only knew the half. Through all the pain in his life, though... every unfair and sorrowful thing... he has come out of it all with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. Okay, SONG(S). He plays music 24/7! When he calls me and has to leave a voicemail, 9 times out of 10, he just lets a song play until my phone cuts it off. There's even been a time or two that he's called back again- to let me hear the rest. Cause he knows I just love it... (please catch the hint of sarcasm.) =) Yet, it never fails to make me laugh. And I think he knows that.
He may not know it, but he inspires me. Really- in oh, so many ways. He makes me look at the simplest things in life and find joy in them. He's shown me how not to be afraid, or let your circumstances change your character. For a crazy lil booger, he's got some wisdom beyond his years. He is so smart and thoughtful. He's so willing to help, without any hesitation, and absolutely no complaints. He's talented, too!! Especially with computers. It's insane. Aaron and I have called him countless times on things we needed to figure out- and three hours away, he can explain in STEP BY STEP mode what to click, or what to type, what to double click and drag, and exactly where to place it. I'll never NOT be amazed.
Justin also has a strong desire to work for the Lord. He has organized prayer walks, designed Christian t-shirts, hosted a Bible study, worked in the sound booth, sang in the choir... You name it, he's done it... at only 18!
I love when he talks to me about what he wants to do with his life. I'm SO PROUD of the man he's becoming. He is my bud. We have such good times together- goofing off, "arguing", sharing goals and ambitions, listening to music. The times we get to share are beyond precious to me. I'm so blessed to be so close to my brother. He may not be my older brother, (although he's quickly becoming my 'big' brother lol ), but he would stand up for me and protect me at any chance he got... and I would do the same thing for him.
I love that "lil guy" so much! I'm so glad he's in my life!!
Love ya, bud!!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Critic's Choice =)
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| Me and My Favorite Pal |
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| As Chels would say, "Yeah... we know we're beast!" |
It's time to introduce my favorite people in the world!! First off- here she is... my mini me... drum roll please... ... ... Chelsea Paige... my insanely awesome sister.
I am so thankful, more than I can put into words, that
we have such an awesome relationship. It's rare, I know. And that is a HUGE blessing I will never take for granted. She is one of the most amazingly talented people I know... and at only 17 years old- she's pretty certain as to what direction she's headed. She's strong. She's always been there for me. Always. Now, for her sake... enough of the mushy- lol. SHE'S CRAZY!!- to the max. BUT I LOVE IT! When we get together, our possibilities seem endless. We laugh, we sing, we write, we dance, we do nothing, we... pretty much do whatever seems the most fun at that time. Although we are quite different, we are so much alike. We push and support each other on an almost daily basis. I love our random texts, crazy phone calls, stupid facebook posts. And yet, even though our crazy times are priceless to me- the many seriously deep conversations we have are just as appealing. I wouldn't trade her for the world... not for anything... not ever. She is one of my life lines. :) The best memories of my childhood- always have her in them.
"We'd stay up late, and we'd talk all night, in a dark room lit by the tv light. Through all the hard times in my life, those nights kept me alive. We'd listen to the radio play all night. Didn't want to have to face another fight. Through all the hard times in my life, those nights kept me alive."
This is our song. Definitely. We actually did do as it says. She had a twin size bed that we would squeeze into and watch "Spongebob" at night while chit-chatting, or crying, about our day. The six years difference in our ages never phased us. She was my friend; God made just for me. And He knew how much I'd need her, so He made her my sis. She is crazy awesome. I love that lil "crooked stick."
"I remember when we used to laugh... about nothing at all... *We'll MAKE those nights last!!"
-Luv ya tons, Chels!
Check, Please
Sunday afternoon naps are my favorite! They seem to provide the best rest EVER. And what makes them even better- is laying down STUFFED with amazing food. Oh the joys of life!
This past Sunday- I didn't get my nap. BUT, I did get stuffed with amazing food. Aaron and I, along with some great friends of ours, went to Lonestar Steakhouse for our Sunday dinner. Was it ever delicious! We had a great time talking, laughing, and, of course, eating, and just enjoying each other's fellowship. Our cheerful attitude must have been highly contagious, because our waitress caught on quickly. We were throwing jokes around left and right- dry sarcasm was coming from every direction. Good times. When it was almost time to go our waitress made the usual ending remark, "I'll be right back with your check." Still joking, my husband said, "Oh that's okay. We don't need one this time." Of course we all laughed, as did our waitress, but she quickly said, "Well, I'm sorry... you have to take it. Any time you partake in something this good, you just gotta pay!"
That phrase stuck with me. And I've been thinking about it today.
How am I repaying the people I love for things they've done for me? Do I let them know that I appreciate them enough? Do I put their needs above my own? Am I as encouraging to them as they've been to me?
But even more importantly, I ponder in my heart, what am I doing to "pay" the Lord?? I know we can't earn our way to heaven. It's only by His blood, and our turning from our sins that get us there. But that's salvation!- and that's a gift that came from Him- that He freely gave to me. Nonetheless, I love Him, and I want Him to know that I WANT to repay Him for "something this good." "His thoughts are ever toward me." "He ever liveth to make intercession for ME." That means something. A precious something. With this being said, if He dedicates all that time and 'energy' to me so willingly, shouldn't I dedicate my life to Him?
As hard and even unpleasant as it sometimes is, I have to ask the Lord for my "check, please." When I "pull out my tab" and see the protection He gave me and my family today, and the forgiveness He imparted when my attitude wasn't the greatest... When I see all the laughs He let me have, and how He sent that person at just the right time to say those uplifting words... When I look at it and notice how He kept me from sin another day, He kept me healthy, kept my husband from temptation... the list could go on forever... every day! ... and every day I look over my "check" it reminds me how much I truly do owe Him!! He deserves the best of everything I have to offer... because that's what He gave to me. He gave His life. I will give mine.
I recall the many years of youth camp, and the infamous "ATTITUDE CHECK" the camp dean would say at any given time- which would then be followed by a loud, "PRAISE THE LORD," from any camper close enough to hear. I still use that today. (I don't always holler that when it pops in my head... lol) But in my heart I'm screaming, Praise the Lord, Thank You, Jesus! Bless the Lord, oh my soul! That's where my thoughts should linger. That is how my attitude should stay.
God help me never forget the many undeserved blessings you've so graciously bestowed upon me. And Lord, help me daily check my heart. Help me always live for You. Avoiding all sin, and clinging to Your truth. Check me, please.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."
This past Sunday- I didn't get my nap. BUT, I did get stuffed with amazing food. Aaron and I, along with some great friends of ours, went to Lonestar Steakhouse for our Sunday dinner. Was it ever delicious! We had a great time talking, laughing, and, of course, eating, and just enjoying each other's fellowship. Our cheerful attitude must have been highly contagious, because our waitress caught on quickly. We were throwing jokes around left and right- dry sarcasm was coming from every direction. Good times. When it was almost time to go our waitress made the usual ending remark, "I'll be right back with your check." Still joking, my husband said, "Oh that's okay. We don't need one this time." Of course we all laughed, as did our waitress, but she quickly said, "Well, I'm sorry... you have to take it. Any time you partake in something this good, you just gotta pay!"
That phrase stuck with me. And I've been thinking about it today.
How am I repaying the people I love for things they've done for me? Do I let them know that I appreciate them enough? Do I put their needs above my own? Am I as encouraging to them as they've been to me?
But even more importantly, I ponder in my heart, what am I doing to "pay" the Lord?? I know we can't earn our way to heaven. It's only by His blood, and our turning from our sins that get us there. But that's salvation!- and that's a gift that came from Him- that He freely gave to me. Nonetheless, I love Him, and I want Him to know that I WANT to repay Him for "something this good." "His thoughts are ever toward me." "He ever liveth to make intercession for ME." That means something. A precious something. With this being said, if He dedicates all that time and 'energy' to me so willingly, shouldn't I dedicate my life to Him?
As hard and even unpleasant as it sometimes is, I have to ask the Lord for my "check, please." When I "pull out my tab" and see the protection He gave me and my family today, and the forgiveness He imparted when my attitude wasn't the greatest... When I see all the laughs He let me have, and how He sent that person at just the right time to say those uplifting words... When I look at it and notice how He kept me from sin another day, He kept me healthy, kept my husband from temptation... the list could go on forever... every day! ... and every day I look over my "check" it reminds me how much I truly do owe Him!! He deserves the best of everything I have to offer... because that's what He gave to me. He gave His life. I will give mine.
I recall the many years of youth camp, and the infamous "ATTITUDE CHECK" the camp dean would say at any given time- which would then be followed by a loud, "PRAISE THE LORD," from any camper close enough to hear. I still use that today. (I don't always holler that when it pops in my head... lol) But in my heart I'm screaming, Praise the Lord, Thank You, Jesus! Bless the Lord, oh my soul! That's where my thoughts should linger. That is how my attitude should stay.
God help me never forget the many undeserved blessings you've so graciously bestowed upon me. And Lord, help me daily check my heart. Help me always live for You. Avoiding all sin, and clinging to Your truth. Check me, please.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Some Things Never Get Old
I can drink a McDonalds coke 2 times a day, every day, and that will never get old to me. There is just something about their coke. It's amazingly refreshing, and tastes so good. Every time I eat there, those that know me, never have to question what "I want to drink with that," They know! And there have been countless times I have used their drive thru JUST for their coke. Who needs food- when they have their COKE? It's amazing.Can you think of anything in your life like that? Something that never bores you, but always the opposite?
Another thing I think of- I never get tired of being around happy people with a genuine love for the Lord and zeal for life. Never. My husband- God knew I needed him. That man is the best man I know. Yes, he's goofy- (maybe even slightly insane :) )- but he's incredible. He is the happiest, truest person in my life. His desire is to see everyone as happy as he is. He loves making people laugh- (though some sadly refuse to)- and more than anything- he loves talking about the Lord and the things he can do for Him. I love being with him. He always encourages me to do my best, draw closer to God, and pursue my dreams. If I'm ever in a bad mood- he can lift my spirits quicker than anyone. I love him... and that never gets old.
There's a lady I work with... I've only known her about six months or so, but already it's evident to me that she is so full of the joy of the Lord. Even when she's not so happy- she's joyful. (Hard to understand?- Not if you, too, have that joy in Jesus.) I love getting to talk to her each day about the Lord- and the calling He's placed on our lives. She never has ANYTHING negative to say. It's always uplifting and supporting. Our conversations never bore me.
I have a friend, my closest friend, Heather, me and her both tease each other on how we need "a Heather day," or in her case, "a Kristi day." We share similar interests- but more than that- we both want to see the other succeed. It's in our hearts to help the other reach the goals they so desparately want to reach. It's precious, and I love it. I'm so thankful that God put her in my life. Even though we've both been hurt, aggravated, and hindered- we constantly share scriptures and thoughts- and we have both made unbelievable progress in the ambitions we've set. God has us well on our way to seeing some dreams come true. I so look forward to the days we get to visit and those long hours on the phone. I don't care how often- or how few- those times always feel just as sweet.
I pray with every piece of my heart that I can be that type of person to whomever I meet. God is good. God is a keeper of promises. "He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him." No matter what life brings our way- inspite of what people may throw at us- God will work it for our good. It's in His Word. He will. He wants to see "whatsoever we put our hand to, prosper." He knows the best way for that to happen. So if seemingly everything in your life is going wrong- for seemingly forever- keep holding on, because He will turn it around. I know this from experience. I went through a time of, probably close to 3-4 years, where I was so unhappy. I would get disappointed and hurt left and right- and nobody could tell. And it felt like nobody cared. I was given positions and opportunities that were taken away so unfairly. Other "jobs" we were given always had stipulations that no one else had to deal with. I was actually told while being offered something else that, "I was NOT first choice." The list could go on. It happened over and over again- so much, that I guarantee the people doing it- didn't even realize it. They thought they were helping, teaching. It was just routine. When, in fact, we had never been so hurt and discouraged in all our lives. I really had to pray through bitterness and everything. Awful place to be. BUT- GOD... (I could just leave it right here and cry at the awesomeness!) BUT, GOD... turned it all around! He made a way to bring us out, open unexpected, unbelievable doors- and give us the joy in Him that I'd been praying for for so long! I wish I could even just barely put into words that happiness I've felt every day for the last 4 months or so. It might sound a bit monotonous- but oh, does it feel great! When you can let go of everything else- and just grasp the fact that GOD IS AWESOME- that He loves YOU- that YOU do have purpose- and that your life can be incredible through Him- you can experience it, too!! I hope you do, if you haven't already. Living for God is amazing. His unexpected surprises are so enjoyable. The plans He has for you- the "packages" He tosses right there on your doorstep are fabulous. "His mercies are new every morning." They never get old.
Another thing I think of- I never get tired of being around happy people with a genuine love for the Lord and zeal for life. Never. My husband- God knew I needed him. That man is the best man I know. Yes, he's goofy- (maybe even slightly insane :) )- but he's incredible. He is the happiest, truest person in my life. His desire is to see everyone as happy as he is. He loves making people laugh- (though some sadly refuse to)- and more than anything- he loves talking about the Lord and the things he can do for Him. I love being with him. He always encourages me to do my best, draw closer to God, and pursue my dreams. If I'm ever in a bad mood- he can lift my spirits quicker than anyone. I love him... and that never gets old.
There's a lady I work with... I've only known her about six months or so, but already it's evident to me that she is so full of the joy of the Lord. Even when she's not so happy- she's joyful. (Hard to understand?- Not if you, too, have that joy in Jesus.) I love getting to talk to her each day about the Lord- and the calling He's placed on our lives. She never has ANYTHING negative to say. It's always uplifting and supporting. Our conversations never bore me.
I have a friend, my closest friend, Heather, me and her both tease each other on how we need "a Heather day," or in her case, "a Kristi day." We share similar interests- but more than that- we both want to see the other succeed. It's in our hearts to help the other reach the goals they so desparately want to reach. It's precious, and I love it. I'm so thankful that God put her in my life. Even though we've both been hurt, aggravated, and hindered- we constantly share scriptures and thoughts- and we have both made unbelievable progress in the ambitions we've set. God has us well on our way to seeing some dreams come true. I so look forward to the days we get to visit and those long hours on the phone. I don't care how often- or how few- those times always feel just as sweet.
I pray with every piece of my heart that I can be that type of person to whomever I meet. God is good. God is a keeper of promises. "He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him." No matter what life brings our way- inspite of what people may throw at us- God will work it for our good. It's in His Word. He will. He wants to see "whatsoever we put our hand to, prosper." He knows the best way for that to happen. So if seemingly everything in your life is going wrong- for seemingly forever- keep holding on, because He will turn it around. I know this from experience. I went through a time of, probably close to 3-4 years, where I was so unhappy. I would get disappointed and hurt left and right- and nobody could tell. And it felt like nobody cared. I was given positions and opportunities that were taken away so unfairly. Other "jobs" we were given always had stipulations that no one else had to deal with. I was actually told while being offered something else that, "I was NOT first choice." The list could go on. It happened over and over again- so much, that I guarantee the people doing it- didn't even realize it. They thought they were helping, teaching. It was just routine. When, in fact, we had never been so hurt and discouraged in all our lives. I really had to pray through bitterness and everything. Awful place to be. BUT- GOD... (I could just leave it right here and cry at the awesomeness!) BUT, GOD... turned it all around! He made a way to bring us out, open unexpected, unbelievable doors- and give us the joy in Him that I'd been praying for for so long! I wish I could even just barely put into words that happiness I've felt every day for the last 4 months or so. It might sound a bit monotonous- but oh, does it feel great! When you can let go of everything else- and just grasp the fact that GOD IS AWESOME- that He loves YOU- that YOU do have purpose- and that your life can be incredible through Him- you can experience it, too!! I hope you do, if you haven't already. Living for God is amazing. His unexpected surprises are so enjoyable. The plans He has for you- the "packages" He tosses right there on your doorstep are fabulous. "His mercies are new every morning." They never get old.
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