Why Just Now?

I've asked myself this question many times.  And to be painfully honest, I've never been satisfied with my answers. I've wanted to do great things since like- well, let's just say even I can't remember how long. "Then why haven't you?"... is this the thought running through your mind?  Mine, too. Well, I'll answer- but the reasons I'm going to give are simply qualified as excuses, and nothing more:  No confidence. Fear. People... ... ... I know.  Sad.  Yet, what saddens me all the more, is that I'm not the only one dealing with these same setbacks. No sir, no ma'am. Is it possible that even the few that may read this blog face these same obstacles?  These same silly obstacles?  Why do we let these things hold us back from doing what we love... What we were put on this earth to do??  I'm not saying I was placed here by God to write this blog.  I'm not saying that every little thing I enjoy doing is God's purpose for my life. BUT, I will say- that each one of those things- give my life purpose. 
I believe that the only way to live a successful life- a happy one- is to do what you love- for the glory of God, the benefit of others, and the peace and satisfaction of your own life.  Why would I let someone else determine for me what those things might be?  I love people.  I thorougly enjoy writing.  I have a passion for letting my talents, no matter how big or small,  be used to accomplish great things in this life.  So- why not start a blog?  Why not prepare to write a book?  Why let it bother me that people I've looked up to and friends I was close to's non-interest keep me from pursuing my dreams? WHY?
To enlighten you on why I said what I did-  there was a time in the not-to-distant past, that I had attempted in beginning one of my hearts desires-  a children's book.  This was such a beginning, that this "book" was only 2 typed computer pages- DOUBLE SPACED.  :)  I had given it to a friend that I had the UTMOST confidence in... and also because I had just spent 2 weeks of my time literally pouring my heart into something for a dream in her heart... while working a full-time job. I was waiting for some kind of encouragement or critique.  I wanted to know that someone had an interest in showing me support for something I longed for.  After 6 months, I inquired.  My response given: "I'm so sorry. I just haven't had time yet."  That was completely fine.  Even then I tried to understand.  She's busy.  She's got soooo much on her plate.  It's okay.  But, after a year, when I went to ask for it back, it was nowhere to be found.  She didn't know what she had done with it... She couldn't even remember if she had moved it from the place I first laid it.  I was so hurt.  So disappointed.  Not angry at her, but at the fact that what I did must not have been good enough.  What I enjoyed must not be the right thing, since she had shown no interest.  I didn't write anything for 2 years after that.  I didn't feel like my writing talent was ever going to get anywhere.
Looking back now, I see how foolish of me that was.  It was just one person.  There's a whole world out there of resources and supporters that I've yet to meet.  But, even more importantly than that-  God is on my side. He supports me.  The Bible even says, "Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He will give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4  It took me a little while to learn that in order to get the "desires of my heart," I had to learn to "delight myself in the Lord."
This is when my miraculous turn-around took place.  I learned how to do that.  The last two blog entries were just the summary of my life today.  It's time, now, to share with you how I got here. 
I decided that eating the leftovers on other people's plates...  was no longer good enough for me. It was time to open my own ME.N.U and partake in what the Lord had offered for my life.

Why ME.N.U. ?

If you're wondering why I chose a name like ME.N.U for my blog, let me explain what my crazy mind was thinking. I wanted a name that would describe my day-to-day lifestyle. A title that would be easy to elaborate on in an effective way to share my life's goals. I was looking for words that communicated correctly the definition of the origin of my happiness and ambitions. I was thinking of names like, "Livin' Out Loud," and "Outliving my Life," and "Free...," yea... I couldn't think of a name I was fully happy with. So... when I paused and thought of what my life was really about, I realized it was all because I lived life in HIM. Anything good I've been given, even goals... anything good I will have, even dreams... all come from Him... for His glory.

If you remember in my first entry, Appetizer, you'll remember that I said here recently I've just had this overwhelming ZEAL for a life to it's fullest. That's so true. I have finally realized that a relationship with the Creator of all things is how to get there.

Think with me. You know how when you're wanting to get something you want (non-selfishly) it's always said, "Get in good with the boss." That can be said of anything and anyone. On the job- if you make your manager/supervisor angry on a regular basis, do you really think they're going to give you that promotion? Kids- if you're disrespectful to your parents, do you honestly believe they'll let you invite your friend over? Or if you never listen to your teacher at school, can you truly picture them helping you individually raise your grade just so you can make the ball team? NO. It's just probably not gonna' happen. They want to know you care about what they're trying to teach you.. They need to be sure you're doing your absolute best. If this can be said of you, more often than not, your leaders will be willing to help and support you. And if they really understand and are called into leadership, they will WANT to help you get what you want and see you succeed.

How much more, then, would Jesus want to help His child? Not that this is why I serve Him, but it is a benefit that He "daily loadeth me" with. The desires HE has placed in my heart are there for a reason. I need to ask HIM about how to get there. No one else. I do believe in having the utmost respect for your authority, because He places them in your life for a reason, too. However, when you begin to confide in them and lean more on their words than on HIS, your relationship with Him loses its value. The reason my husband and I stay so close is because we tell each other everything. And because we care more about each others opinion and happiness than everyone else around us. If I began to call my best girlfriend up or my sister and tell her things I didn't tell my husband... or if I cared more about doing what she wanted than I did about his desires, the closeness of our relationship would drastically change. Now I tell my girlfriends a lot. I tell my sister even more. BUT, the relationship between me and my spouse is incomparable.

With this being said, the closeness between me and my Lord is closer still. It took a while for me to realize I had lost that. I had gotten too wrapped up in caring about everyone else's opinion... tried to focus on accomplishing their goals for my life... changed my desires to be what they wanted me to be so they could use me the way they wanted to use me. The bond I had shared with my Jesus was slowly dissolving and therefore my joy... my purpose.

Yet, when I finally reached the place I could take it no more, I prayed so earnestly that God would lead me. It was a little difficult drowning out all the voices around me, but slowly YET surely, I learned to concentrate hard enough that only HIS voice could be heard. Now it's pretty easy. And my joy... it's unspeakable.

My Christian life is now back to it's foundation. Its first love. MY JESUS. That's all I worry about. That's all I think about. And He has made EVERYTHING fall right into its proper place that I had moved around time and time again. I know my life will be different than others probably expected. I am sure some will say I've got it all wrong. I have no doubts that it's all okay. My life is about me living in Christ. My life is a MENU. There's awesome things in it. There's sweet things available. There's things I'm not gonna like a whole lot. There's going to be "entrees" that I will want to add to or take away from to fit my appetite just right. But that's what makes it flavorful. Jesus wrote up my menu. And the coolest thing is, no matter what I'm served- it's my choice.

Appetizer

Ok- since we are viewing my blog, titled "ME.N.U", I guess it would be good to start you off with just an introduction of the story of my life.  Hence, "Appetizer." 
Here in the last month I have acquired an amazing, compelling zeal for life... and life to its fullest! I've always been what I consider, (and what those around me have as well) a happy person. Content with life.  Satisfied with whatever I was handed. NOT.  But I was really good at making it look that way.  Now, I am still EXTREMELY thankful for what my life has been and what I have been given.  I'm grateful for opportunities I was offered, whether accepted or declined.  But, I've realized now what true contentment is.  It's not the "being satisfied with just whatever" contentment I'm talking about.  I don't believe that's God's intention for us at all.  Being thankful for just whatever, sure. Contentment without satisfaction- that's what I had.  I was not miserable in everything.  I was not unthankful for anything.  However, I was not satisfied with the direction of my life... pretty much because I wasn't following a reliable map. 
I was the wandering soul following every voice pitched my way.  The clueless mind accepting every opinion thrown at me.  The longing heart allowing anything and anyone to break it by trying to change it; that was me... How did I change?  By realizing and grasping What it was I wanted when I first began my purpose-driven life...  a RELATIONSHIP with my Jesus like NO other.  A FREEDOM in my Jesus like NO other. A life full of purpose from my Jesus like NO other.  I got that back.  Now, I'm content and satisfied to know my life is going to be crazy awesome, because HE wants that for me...