Humble Pie

Has anyone ever heard the saying, "They need to eat some humble pie?" In Kentucky, where I'm proudly from, it's an old one. As easy as it is to point out someone else's need for humility, noticing your own need for a piece, comes a little harder. 

When referring to pride, I know the first thing that usually pops into our brains is arrogance, hatefulness, and "I'm better than you-ness."  In this case, I'm talking about the pride in which it kills you to leave your comfort zone because of your fear of failure. I mean the pride that keeps you from stepping out and doing exactly what God wants for your life, because you're unsure of the response you'll get from everyone else around you.  That's the pride I'm thinking of... and that's the pride I had.

I never noticed it before a month or so ago.  Honestly.  Up to that point I had always masked it as just trying to be smart or weighing my options.  If that didn't fit the scenario, I then pulled my hurt or lack of self confidence out of the bag, and tried to throw that around.  I think the Lord was getting tired of it. Actually, I have no doubts.

I was home from work doing my thing... cleaning, laundry, figuring out what to make for dinner...  and I felt this overwhelming sense of discontent.  Not an unthankful sort, but an "I'm really missing out on something" kind.  I knelt down to pray almost instantly.  I asked God to please lead us and guide us.  Give us favor.  Use us however He needed to bring glory to His name. I read Scriptures about Abraham "going... without knowing whither he went..."  I heard songs about God leading a frightened, stuttering Moses back to Egypt to deliver His people.  I felt that God was about to make some major changes in my life...  and I got scared?  No.  Prideful.  But God, I don't know if I could handle this.  I don't know what others will think.  What if it doesn't bring about some magnificent thing and people think we're just young and dumb?  What if we get no support?  When will it work out?  How will it work out?  I asked a ton of questions that didn't deserve an answer.  And God, being God, knew that... and He offered none.

About a week or so later, a missionary came to our church.  I love and respect missionaries beyond words.  Major sacrifices, for the cause of Christ...  that's commendable and admirable.  But, I was really needing God to speak to me... and knowing that the service was probably going to be about the work going on in another country... I didn't think it was going to happen.  (Again, notice the pride...  I thought God had to do it a certain way...  Wow.)  Yet, when this man began to speak, I knew it was going to be different than I had come expecting.

The message was regarding the Apostle Paul.  A brief foundation was given about the amazing conversion of Saul- to Paul,  the obstacles he faced, and the lives he won for Jesus.  Towards the middle of the sermon, the objective changed.  He started focusing on Paul and the time he felt compelled to go to Rome. He stressed how different ones were telling him not to go because he would surely be killed.  And in one portion of Scripture it points out that the Holy Ghost even spoke to him to let him know he would be put in jail if he went.  Yet Paul knew in His heart Rome is where God wanted him.  

The missionary made a comment that He could just picture Paul sitting in prison writing that letter to Timothy, while others back in other lands were talking about how Paul "just missed it."  Saying things like, "If he would've just stayed here...  If he would have just not gone to Rome... If he would have just done what we all thought, he'd be doing so much for God, and instead, he's stuck in some jail... doing nothing."  At that moment, I saw Paul as a human.  Not just as THE Apostle Paul who wrote most of the New Testament... but Paul, the man.  I realized right there in service that Paul had to eat some humble pie.  He was willing to do what God wanted him to do, despite everyone's comments of defeat.  He went to Rome to bring glory to the Most High, ended up in prison, and even wrote about people not visiting him there.  He talked about being cold and lonely, and he asked Timothy to bring him his coat... before winter.  Those, seemingly minor, details spoke wonders to me.  He felt the same pain, the same confusion, even the same coldness we do.  And he was willing to suffer it! Thank God, Paul gave his all.  If Paul hadn't been placed in jail, a guard would not have been saved and we wouldn't have all the soul piercing letters he wrote to the churches of his time.  I opened my Bible and noticed all the highlighted areas throughout Ephesians and Philippians, and 1st and 2nd Timothy.  All those verses had either helped encourage or convict my heart at some point in my life.  Although we see the reason for Paul's inprisonment now, back in his day, people lost respect for him, because in their eyes, He was doing nothing.

God spoke to me.  Never doubting His love, I felt His chastisement as well.  I had to let go of the pride of what others might think of us, if we follow God into a place they don't understand.  I had to quit saying no because of the fear of failure and disappointment.  I had to leave my comfort zone; surrender my all.

What's crazy awesome, is that as soon as I was willing to do that- God began to show me things.  We had doors open that same week, that we would have never dreamed of.  Seriously.  It's like they came from out of nowhere.  We got calls from people that we respected immensely, and yet never really got close to... and they called us because "they had been thinking about us."  After talking with them we were stunned to learn that they had went through almost, to the T, the exact same thing we were being dealt with about.  They encouraged us so much by sharing with us a verse that God had given them a year ago from the book of Psalms.  "Thou hast led me in a plain path."  The prayer of our hearts.  Someone else was where we are, God led them, and He would lead us.

Within a week's time, four people we have highly looked up to called us to give us words of encouragement... having no clue what it was we were even praying about.  God's confirmation is so surreal.  And it's so sweet.  I am so excited to see what God does with us in 2012.  Although the unknown is always a little scary, I won't be holding on to pride anymore.  I hope, if anything,  I could encourage someone out there to let go and let God.  Don't miss out on your time to make a difference, according to His will, because of things that don't matter.  It's just not worth it. Realize it's pride... it's sin... and it's causing you to miss out on God's greatness.  I had to eat a piece of that humble pie, and much to my surprise, it wasn't that bad.

A Little Too Done

Have you ever cooked something, or ate something that someone else cooked, that just got a little too done?  I have.  More than once.  Although I eat it, either because I have to, or simply because that's the mannerly thing to do, it's not always scrumptiously satisfying. Nonetheless, it's what I have to partake of at that particular time.
I kinda had a time like that a few weeks ago... looking at my life.  Three, maybe four, days right in a row- stuff was just coming my way.  I was getting "burnt."...  Just a little too done. 
At work, I dealt with drama that just didn't seem fair.  It wasn't right.  Everything that could have been done to annoy me, was done... and most of it was intentionally. Hours were cut, schedules were changed, things were said, promises were broken...  Not a very nice feeling.
On top of that, we had some other news, (that I'm afraid would be too personal to share the details)... that had us convinced that the one thing that seemed to be going great in this chapter of our lives, was about to be stripped away.  Plans we had been so excited in making were going to be pushed aside, again.
And, referring to a post I shared last month, I was having a hard time dealing with some health issues. Any thoughts or daydreams of a future family, brought an ache to my heart. Question after question.  Thought after thought.  Fear after fear. 
Then we had some unknown charges appear on our bank statement... information hackers.  Sweetness, right?
Next comes "hurt by people."  Someone I had at one time looked up to, and felt pretty close to, said some really rude and unnecessary things to me.  And when I use the word unnecessary, that's being nice. Yeah... it was a rough week for this ol' gal.
But ya know what?  When that fourth rough day started to really take it's toll on me...  when I called my husband crying and whining about how I was just getting close to my wit's end...  when I fell down on my knees and asked God to give me a break...  I heard Him speak.
"Kristi, do you remember what you testified about just five days ago?  Do you remember when you talked about Job, and how he found a reason to praise Me in spite of everything he had to face?  Can you recall that verse that so pricked your heart, and apply it to your own life, right now?"
Tears. Tears.  And more tears.  Just that past Sunday, as we started studying the book of Job, several people in our church were making comments about how they just didn't understand how he was able to find thankfulness so easily after his severe loss.  Some made remarks on how they just didn't know if they would be able to be as faithful as Job.  How could you be so grateful after losing absolutely everything dear to your heart?
That afternoon I ran across a verse in Psalms, that simply stated, "I will praise the Lord according to His righteousness."  Then like a ton of bricks, it smacked me right in the face. That's how Job still had a praise!  Because it doesn't matter one iota what we have or don't have... as Job said, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, but blessed be the name of the Lord."
Why is it so easy to lift up thankful hands right after a loved one passes away?  Because He will comfort.  How can we smile and sing "How Great Thou Art" as our heart aches due to the emptiness of our arms where we so long for a baby to be? Because He understands. How is it that we can stand and testify of God's goodness when we don't know how we'll pay our next bill? Because He's faithful. Why do we fall on our face and praise His name when we've been wronged by a brother or sister?  Because He's holy.  We praise Him, because He's righteous.  He's worthy.  He's God... and that's enough. 
My tears of frustration soon became tears of guilt, which then became tears of joy, as I realized God knew my name.  He knew where I was, how I felt, and loved me enough to try me.  And when I felt His conviction, it reminded me, once again, how truly alive He is. 
His goodness is unexplainable.  His peace passeth all understanding.  His love is unphathomable.  The assurance we have in Him is beyond comprehension.  When I think I've had more than I can bear...  when I'm just a little too done with the circumstances of this life, I can find victory just as soon as I magnify His name.
Although the awesomeness of my Savior can't be explained, imitated, expressed, or even imagined... it can be experienced.  Just ask Him to make Himself real to you again... or for the first time.
If life has you crying out in anger, confusion, hurt, depression, or if you're just tired of feeling lonely... look to Jesus and read the end of Job.  He was doubley blessed in everything that he had once lost.  God's got your back.  Find Him.  Trust Him.  And praise Him, according to His righteousness!

Why Just Now?

I've asked myself this question many times.  And to be painfully honest, I've never been satisfied with my answers. I've wanted to do great things since like- well, let's just say even I can't remember how long. "Then why haven't you?"... is this the thought running through your mind?  Mine, too. Well, I'll answer- but the reasons I'm going to give are simply qualified as excuses, and nothing more:  No confidence. Fear. People... ... ... I know.  Sad.  Yet, what saddens me all the more, is that I'm not the only one dealing with these same setbacks. No sir, no ma'am. Is it possible that even the few that may read this blog face these same obstacles?  These same silly obstacles?  Why do we let these things hold us back from doing what we love... What we were put on this earth to do??  I'm not saying I was placed here by God to write this blog.  I'm not saying that every little thing I enjoy doing is God's purpose for my life. BUT, I will say- that each one of those things- give my life purpose. 
I believe that the only way to live a successful life- a happy one- is to do what you love- for the glory of God, the benefit of others, and the peace and satisfaction of your own life.  Why would I let someone else determine for me what those things might be?  I love people.  I thorougly enjoy writing.  I have a passion for letting my talents, no matter how big or small,  be used to accomplish great things in this life.  So- why not start a blog?  Why not prepare to write a book?  Why let it bother me that people I've looked up to and friends I was close to's non-interest keep me from pursuing my dreams? WHY?
To enlighten you on why I said what I did-  there was a time in the not-to-distant past, that I had attempted in beginning one of my hearts desires-  a children's book.  This was such a beginning, that this "book" was only 2 typed computer pages- DOUBLE SPACED.  :)  I had given it to a friend that I had the UTMOST confidence in... and also because I had just spent 2 weeks of my time literally pouring my heart into something for a dream in her heart... while working a full-time job. I was waiting for some kind of encouragement or critique.  I wanted to know that someone had an interest in showing me support for something I longed for.  After 6 months, I inquired.  My response given: "I'm so sorry. I just haven't had time yet."  That was completely fine.  Even then I tried to understand.  She's busy.  She's got soooo much on her plate.  It's okay.  But, after a year, when I went to ask for it back, it was nowhere to be found.  She didn't know what she had done with it... She couldn't even remember if she had moved it from the place I first laid it.  I was so hurt.  So disappointed.  Not angry at her, but at the fact that what I did must not have been good enough.  What I enjoyed must not be the right thing, since she had shown no interest.  I didn't write anything for 2 years after that.  I didn't feel like my writing talent was ever going to get anywhere.
Looking back now, I see how foolish of me that was.  It was just one person.  There's a whole world out there of resources and supporters that I've yet to meet.  But, even more importantly than that-  God is on my side. He supports me.  The Bible even says, "Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He will give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4  It took me a little while to learn that in order to get the "desires of my heart," I had to learn to "delight myself in the Lord."
This is when my miraculous turn-around took place.  I learned how to do that.  The last two blog entries were just the summary of my life today.  It's time, now, to share with you how I got here. 
I decided that eating the leftovers on other people's plates...  was no longer good enough for me. It was time to open my own ME.N.U and partake in what the Lord had offered for my life.